


From Thedas and back again

by kamiyu910



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Blood and Violence, Emotional Healing, Explicit Language, F/M, Healing, Mental Health Issues, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 11:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16367198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamiyu910/pseuds/kamiyu910
Summary: A young woman who is a fan of the Dragon Age games wakes up in Darktown, gets injured fighting a blood mage and healed by Anders, but she thinks it'd be better if he didn't like her and runs off. She tries to avoid him, but she ends up constantly running into him so she gives up and starts talking to him. She eventually finds out she was originally from Thedas, and it gets really kinda weird and I'm not sure if it ends well or not but eh. I don't think I'll be working on it any more, unless someone has a suggestion.





	1. Chapter 1

The sounds of heavy machinery far in the distance woke Claire up to a raging headache, and she sat up, holding her head. Nothing sounded right, nothing smelled right... ashes, mixed with the smell of urine and feces, and possibly meat cooking... It made her want to vomit. She noticed she was still wearing her gear from the medieval festival, including her sword and daggers, and her shield was lying beside her. Checking her armor over, and her cloak, everything seemed fine, so she grabbed her shield and looked around.

The area she was in was small, but there was a staircase going up nearby, and multiple torches lighting the way. The walls were nothing special, only indicating that she was underground, and it reminded her of one of her video games. It actually reminded her a lot of one in particular. Maybe she was dreaming. She wandered down the staircase and chose a direction to go, following that wall until she got to a staircase leading further up. The hallway she found herself in was a little more populated, with people dressed in filthy rags, but they were all humans, and they stared at her with hungry eyes. Too bad she was almost completely broke, aside from her world's coins which were worth nothing, and then her armor and weapons, not something she was going to give up any time soon.

She continued on, hoping maybe she could get away from the undercity, but a voice called out to her, and it could have only been for her...

“Hey, captain! In the fancy cloak and armor!” She turned and looked at the three people approaching her. If anyone else had been in the vicinity, they had cleared out at the first sign of trouble. Two men in armor and a woman in a dress. Wielding a staff. Claire could only think of one type of fighter to do that and was not looking forward to a fight with her.

“Yes?” She asked, hoping her voice and demeanor didn't betray her anxiety.

“Pretty fancy gear for coming down here, eh?” One of the men asked with a sneer. “You with the Chantry? Templars?” Templars? Claire was getting an even worse feeling at that. It was far too much like her game...

“Ah, no, I'm new here, not with anyone yet.” She replied.

“Mighty fine gear...” The second man licked his lips. “You, uh, wouldn't mind parting with it now, would you?” Claire glared at the man.

“No, I am not parting with my gear.” She snapped, then had a quick thought that it might be her last sentence.

“Ah, shame that is.” The woman smiled as she charged a spell. Shit! Claire brought her shield up, praying it would deflect whatever the mage was doing, and unsheathed her sword. She was hit by a powerful force that slid her back, but thankfully she kept her footing and charged at the men. They fought like green recruits, and aside from trying to block spells, Claire was able to take them out. But the mage...

The mage was furious and shot a fireball at Claire. It shattered her shield, burning it into bits. Claire shook her arm and pulled out a dagger. She wasn't going to have much of a chance. The mage hit her with a lightning bolt and Claire arched her back in pain, unable to scream until the spell stopped, leaving her gasping on the ground. Suddenly she was hit again, with what she assumed, as she flew through the air, to be stone fist, and then she felt herself get shoved hard into the ground. Not wanting to give the mage another chance, Claire threw her dagger as soon as she was able, ignoring the pain, then got up and ran to the mage, who was now sporting the blade from her shoulder.

“Fuck you, mage! Fucking hellspawn, you should all be put to the torch!” Claire screamed as she rammed her sword through the mage. “I'll make sure you never hurt another person again, you inhuman freak!” Claire then sliced her head off.

“Well, I suppose we should just be going then.” Claire's blood froze in her veins as she turned to look at the speaker. Maker... It was Hawke, with Fenris, Varric, and of course, Anders. Of all the people, of all the places... she had to be dreaming. It was all just a dream. Even though the pain of what the mage had just put her through was still screaming in her body, it had to be a dream.

Claire fell to her knees, gasping. “Maker's breath... Hawke...”

“Do I know you?” He asked. “Or wait, right, because of the whole champion thing. You'd think after a year I'd get used to that. You don't have to look like I'm an archdemon about to bite your head off, though, I'm not that scary.”

“Unless she means me.” Anders scowled. “Do you want to put me to the torch as well?” His voice was so angry, it hurt. Claire couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. In all her years, she'd never expected such a scenario. She fell prostate on the ground, covering her head with her arms.

“No... no no no. Maker no.” She blathered. “Y-you're Anders...”

“Seems your reputation precedes you, mage.” Fenris said.

“No, I didn't mean it like that!” Claire was feeling far too flustered and dizzy.

“Easy there, kid, we're not going to hurt you, no matter what you've been told.” Varric said, chuckling. “I know my stories can get a bit out of hand, but we're not monsters.”

“Well, not all of us.” Fenris looked at Anders pointedly.

“I-I'm not b-being clear...” Claire was feeling awfully cold suddenly, as well as anxious, and she wasn't sure she could stand up without passing out. Black spots started filling her vision. “I can't breathe...” Was that going to be her last sentence? Her vision went completely black, and she lost control of her body, but yet she could still hear.

“She's losing too much blood.” Anders said. “I'll see if I can at least stabilize her.” His voice sounded muffled and far away.

“I'd say she did pretty good on her own, against a blood mage like that.” Hawke said. _Blood mage? I thought she was just a normal mage..._

“Don't worry, I'm sure she won't hate you once she finds out you healed her, Blondie.” Varric said. _No no no no... Anders, I don't hate you, I could never hate you!_ If she could scream, she would have.

“I have to save her first.” Anders' voice sounded strained. “These wounds are deep and difficult to heal. Here, get her cloak and armor off, I need to make sure I'm not missing something.” Claire could vaguely feel her body being moved, but it felt so numb.

“Is that a Chantry necklace?” Hawke asked. _He must mean my sunburst amber necklace... shit, of course it would look like a Chantry thing_. “I suppose it's fitting the other one has a sword on it.” No no no no no! I hate the Chantry! I'm not a Chantry girl! Please!

“All right, maybe I was wrong, maybe she will still hate you.” Varric sighed. Claire was trying desperately to move, or speak, or do anything other than lie there, listening to them spread lies about her. Not just lies, but horrific lies that went against everything she believed in!

“What else is new?” Anders grumbled.

“Aren't you afraid she'll turn you in to the Templars?” Hawke asked.

“Well so far, neither Fenris nor Aveline have.” Anders snapped. “I can't just let her die.” _Well, that's good to know... despite the fact you're going to blow up the Chantry anyway. Why not just take me out? Why not just pretend that, oh oops, you couldn't heal me after all?_ She was frustrated and it wasn't doing her any good. They finally got her breastplate off.

“Maker, look at all that blood.” Hawke said.

“What spell could do that?” Fenris asked. Claire could feel her tunic and chemise being ripped off and she wanted to cry for them to stop, but it was too late anyway. “Her armor didn't look damaged, yet most of her ribs are broken so badly?”

“Andraste's tits, I've never seen someone that bad off who lived.” Varric said.

“She's still alive.” Anders said. “This will be difficult, but I think I can do it.” _So am I a challenge now?_ If she could smirk, she would have. She only wished she was passed out or something, rather than trapped, listening to them, feeling the ghost of her body being messed with. Maybe it was just a dream, but it sure felt real.

“So... what do you think a woman like this would be doing in Darktown?” Varric asked. “Not your typical bottom dweller, definitely not a Templar... someone working for the Divine? Nothing secretive, not dressed like that, but the colors fit with the Chantry, definitely.” _Oh yeah, raise me up that high why don't you! I don't really look that rich do I??_

“She knows about Anders.” Hawke said. “That in itself is a bit odd. If she knew, why wouldn't she have brought the Templars with her? Unless she's come for some other reason.” _If I knew why I was here, I'd be much happier... Shit, even how I got here would be nice to know! Actually, at this point, I think I'll be happy just to survive... fuck knowing anything._

“I highly doubt she's with the Wardens...” Varric muttered.

“No, or at least, she's not a Warden herself.” Anders sounded exhausted, but Claire still couldn't feel much of anything. Not that she was complaining, as she couldn't feel the pain either, and from their description, she didn't want to. She was probably just in shock after the battle, the adrenaline pumping and then slowly her body started shutting down as the adrenaline wore off. That made the most sense, anyway. She wasn't exactly a medical expert.

“There's nothing in her pouch that would indicate any affiliation with anything.” Fenris said. _He must be looking through my belt pouch. I forgot I had that, since my purse is missing_. “Assassin's throwing knives? A couple vials of pills, and a pouch of coins that I don't recognize.” _Just advil and benadryl... I suppose I could knock someone out with the benadryl._

“You're right, those are pretty foreign coins.” Varric said through the clinking of the coins. _My Sacajawea and Susan B Anthony dollar coins..._ Claire wanted to laugh. Even back home people had a hard time recognizing those coins as real money. “They're not gold or silver, whatever they are. Probably copper and maybe steel, by the look of it. I doubt they'd be worth anything here. I'm not sure what the pills are, they don't look like anything I've ever seen before either. You might want to watch your food and drink around this one.”

“Now I want to talk to her more than ever.” Hawke said. “How's she doing?” Claire heard a grunt.

“I think I'm going to need to down some lyrium.” Anders said. “Putting her ribs back in place is... difficult work. But, I think I've stopped the bleeding and healed her lungs enough that she won't die. Soon we'll be able to move her to my clinic, and you shall have your answers.” _Says you, I'm not telling you jack shit about my world. But... what should I tell them?_ Claire was at a loss. She at least had time to concoct a story, but it needed to be good, something believable, and not too over the top. Since they seemed to consider her outfit of a more higher standing...

She knew nothing of the other countries, like Rivain or Nevarra or even Antiva. She had focused mostly on Kirkwall and Ferelden, with nasty side glances at Tevinter and Orlais. Ferelden was her favorite place. Kirkwall she only liked because of Anders, but otherwise she wanted to blow the whole city up. She certainly couldn't blame the arishok for what he'd done. She'd just have to make up a place... but from where? Further west, past the Anderfels? Surely she couldn't go further north, past Par Vollen. South. She'd have to have come from the south, past the Dales and the Arbor Wilds.

Cambria, south of the Arbor Wilds, by a week or two's journey. Wiped out by pirates? How would she have learned of Anders? Four years, or however long it was, was a long enough time for one to track down his history, she supposed, and it wasn't like he was really keeping himself a secret, though the abomination part kind of was. She didn't even know if the Hero of Ferelden had survived to become the Warden-Commander. She assumed Alistair was king, since that was canon...

The group had moved on to other topics, such as Meredith being a bitch, giving Claire the idea that Hawke was siding with the mages more than the Templars, but still wasn't entirely on Anders' side.

“Could someone get a stretcher, so we can transport her to the clinic?” Anders asked.

“Sure, you have them against the wall, right?” Hawke asked.

“Yes, thank you.” A few minutes later, Anders started muttering. “It's just you and me now, and still no answers. Did you come to kill me yourself? Why in the Maker's name am I saving your life? None of this is going to matter soon anyway... Next thing you know, I'll be healing Templars...” _Anders, if I could, I would probably help you blow the Chantry up. Trust me, I don't like it any more than you do._ She felt a twinge, and quite rapidly, pain started flooding her senses. She sucked in a deep breath, feeling it burn, stabbing her chest, and her vision came back. All she could do was stare at Anders, her eyes wide.

“And so you've returned to us.” He said, sounding less than pleased.

“Anders...” She still couldn't really talk, her throat felt raw and dry and her lungs burned. She tried to move her hand to her necklaces that they'd left on, but he stopped her.

“Don't move, you're still pretty injured.” He sighed as she continued to try, finally letting her. She picked up the sun by the bottom tip and held it up.

“Not Chantry.” She said. “Sun. Life.” Her vision started going black again, only this time, she wasn't trapped in limbo, but embraced by the darkness.

 

* * *

 

“She said it's not the Chantry?” Hawke was in disbelief. “But look at it. Obviously it's a sun, but how is it not the Chantry? What did she mean by life?”

“I don't know, she lost consciousness again. She must have heard us talking, or how else would she know what we thought of her necklaces?” Anders stared at the back of his clinic where they'd hidden her. He'd healed what he could for the moment, but he needed to rest to replenish his mana.

“If that's true, she heard everything else too.” Fenris said. “At least we spoke of nothing important.”

“No, just our suspicions of her and how to act around her.” Varric shrugged.

“I'll let you know when she's awake and able to talk, which probably won't be until tomorrow.” Anders said. “In the meantime, I don't feel particularly safe leaving the clinic while she's around. She seems to be fairly stubborn, and if she gets it in her head to try to walk off before she's finished healing...”

“Right, we'll stop by tomorrow and see how things are.” Hawke bid farewell and left Anders to himself. The healer walked into the back and stared at the woman. They'd undressed her except for her pants, and covered her in bandages and a blanket, but even then, without all her things, she still looked foreign.

“Perhaps you can't hear me now, but if you can...” He sat down on a box next to the bed. “I won't kill a patient, and so long as you don't pose a threat to anyone else, I won't strike you down. But if you threaten anyone in my clinic, you will feel Justice's burn.” He quickly stood up and walked away, surprised at his own anger towards the woman. She may claim to not be Chantry, but he had heard very clearly what she'd yelled at the blood mage. Inhuman freaks, hellspawn that needed to all be put to the torch, whatever a hellspawn was. He imagined it was something like a darkspawn. Inhuman... It'd been so long, yet he could still hear it so clearly...

While he couldn't blame the woman for being so angry at the blood mage, those words were fairly specific and then the way she'd looked at him, with so much horror on her face, and the fear in her voice as she said his name. She knew him, and what he was. How could she know about him? Was it truly wise for Hawke to leave him with her? He decided to distract himself with making sure his potions were in order.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Anders went to check on the woman, and found her with her eyes open wide, staring at the ceiling, almost as if it was going to start raining demons on her.

“I see you're awake again, is everything all right?” She jumped at his voice and proceeded to stare at him with the same look of horror, and it made him frustrated. “I'm not going to kill you, or hurt you, no matter why you've come, even if you hate mages so much.” Her face twisted up for a second as if she was going to start crying before she clamped down on her emotions and looked away. _What in the Maker's name is her problem?_

“Do you at least have a name?” He asked.

“Claire Victoria.” She said.

“Is that Tevene?” Anders asked, surprised. “I recognize Victoria, which means victory, right? Is that your name, or a saying? Are you from Tevinter?” She grew more upset.

“I'm not from Tevinter.” She said. “I hate Tevinter.”

“Because of the magic?” Anders started feeling annoyed again.

“No... I don't hate magic.” She still refused to look at him and started crying, but he couldn't figure out why she was so upset, except that she had to be lying. He decided wasn't going to get anywhere with her and walked away to deal with his other patients until Hawke came in with Fenris. Anders wasn't entirely pleased to see them, but at least they would talk to him.

“How is she today?” Hawke asked.

“She refuses to speak to me, aside from saying her name is Claire Victoria, and she hates Tevinter, but she claims she's not from there. I find myself not believing her.” Anders grumbled. He wasn't at all convinced she didn't hate magic, so he didn't mention it.

“Perhaps her parents are from the Imperium. Why else would anyone name a child _clear victory_?”

“Perhaps I can try talking to her.” Hawke said.

“Yes, perhaps she'll be more open with someone who isn't a mage.” Anders sighed.

“Messere, you got to come quick!” A woman came running in, grabbing the healer's sleeve. “He's down a ways, hurt real bad.” Anders looked at Hawke, who gave him a look to assure him everything would be fine, then left with the woman. At least there were still people around who appreciated his gift.

 

* * *

 

Claire couldn't believe she'd frozen like that with Anders, unable to really communicate anything. He probably didn't believe her anyway and assumed she hated magic, and was just saying that. She screwed up. Everything was wrong, and she couldn't figure out how to get back home.

“So your name is Claire Victoria?” Hawke asked. She opened her eyes in shock, staring at the Champion as he and Fenris looked down at her. She nodded slowly, while cussing in her head. _Stay calm, stay calm, they're just going to talk..._

“Are your parents from Tevinter?” Fenris asked.

“No...” She said, wondering why they were interrogating her. She couldn't tell them anything, it might screw everything up. It was bad enough she was there and had given away as much as she had.

“So where are you from?” Hawke asked. She kept her mouth shut, wishing she'd picked a better story than the one she'd concocted, as it felt flat and lame the more she thought about it. “You're not making this very easy on yourself. How do you know of Anders?” He pressed. She looked away, refusing to speak. She didn't want to sound like a creepy stalker, it might make them deem her a threat. She felt Hawke grab her hand and she looked over in horror as he brought a small knife up to it.

“No, what are you doing?” She gasped, trying to get away. Just that action sent shooting pain through her body, and then he leaned against her, pinning her down as he put the knife under a fingernail. _Fuck! No! What can I do? What can I say??_

“I don't tolerate potential threats to my friends. Why are you here?” Hawke asked, his voice cold.

“I don't know!” She wished she could give him a proper answer, but he wasn't going to accept the truth and anything he would accept might only seal her fate. Searing pain ripped through her as he jabbed the knife under her nail, and she screamed. He covered her mouth with his arm, muffling her cries, as she writhed in pain.

“Are you going to tell us the truth?” He asked when she'd stopped trying to scream. “What do you want with Anders?” _I don't know I don't know I don't know!_ She was screaming in her mind, but she couldn't say. It didn't matter what she said, he wasn't going to believe her, he wasn't going to get the answers he wanted.

“Nothing!” She cried.

“Then why are you here?”

“I already told you!” She kept trying to get away, but he was too strong and she was still too injured. More searing pain as he stabbed another nail. She vaguely heard people arguing nearby, but she was crying too hard to understand them. She felt the weight of him get off her and she curled into a ball, shaking from the pain, afraid to even look at what he'd done to her hand. _Maker, just let me die... Why am I even here, why, it doesn't make sense, it hurts... Maker it hurts... I'm going to throw up_.

 

* * *

 

The man had been easy to heal and Anders was back in his clinic in no time, only to hear screaming coming from the back.

“We're afraid to go back there, messere.” Another man said. “He's torturing her...” Justice came out, unbidden, as Anders turned the corner. Claire's hand was covered in blood, and Hawke was holding a bloodied knife.

“What do you mean by this?” Anders growled, his voice changed by the spirit. “How dare you torture a patient in my clinic!”

“Even after that, she won't talk.” Hawke said, unfazed by Justice. “Claims she doesn't know why she's here and she wants nothing to do with you. I still don't trust her...” Anders was pissed, but he understood, and Justice begrudgingly faded back. After everything Hawke had been through, with his brother, sister, and especially mother, he was overly cautious. Even Isabela had stabbed him in the back with the Qunari a year prior, someone he had trusted and considered a friend. He was the type to take care of a potential danger the soonest he could, and was very slow to trust.

“Hawke, she's too injured to be a threat.” Anders sighed. “And now she may never speak again.”

Hawke looked upset and nodded. “I... think I got a little carried away. I just don't trust her, that she knows of you and has strange poisons and assassin blades, and Chantry stuff, even if she denies it as such.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I had better heal her...” _More work for me to do. She's already been draining me enough._

“For what it's worth,” Fenris said. “I do believe her when she says she doesn't know why she's here. She wasn't expecting us when we first met her, that much was very clear.”

“Thank you.” Anders said.

“Please let me know when she's recovered.” Hawke said. “I must know why she's so bloody secretive! It makes me nervous.”

“I will.” He watched his friends walk out, feeling exhausted already. He turned and looked at Claire, curled up on the cot, getting blood everywhere, and sighed. He gently took her hand to assess the damage, but she started crying more.

“No no no please, no more...” She sobbed. “I already told you I don't know why I'm here...” He brushed her hair behind her ear while trying to soothe her. She may have a fear of mages, but he didn't need to contribute to it.

“It's all right, I'm trying to heal you. I won't hurt you.” He said. She looked at him, her eyes wide.

“Anders...” It wasn't horror in her eyes, but sheer relief this time. “I'm sorry.” She said, wiping her eyes with her good hand, looking lost and alone.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked.

“I've messed everything up...” She was trying not to cry, but she wasn't doing a good job of it. “I don't know why I'm here, I shouldn't be here...” She slowly lost consciousness, and Anders considered it a blessing, with everything she'd been through. He thought it might be better to move her to a room that was in the far back, through an old hallway, a place no one ever went. It would give her more privacy, and keep her from Hawke, who seemed far too adamant to get answers. How could he have thought torturing her was a good idea, especially in her condition?

He finished her hand and went to prepare the room, thinking on what she'd said, and the look she'd given him. Why would she be relieved to see him? Perhaps seeing anyone would be a relief after Hawke... He cleaned the blood off her and then carried her carefully to the back, setting her on the clean bed. She didn't look very peaceful, even in her sleep, and he wondered what sort of life she'd had, and why she didn't know why she was there. Perhaps she'd been kidnapped, or was an escaped slave. Whatever she was, he wasn't sure they'd ever find out.

At the end of the day, he went back to check on her, finding her awake again, but staring at the wall with a look he understood all too well.

“Would it help to talk about it?” He asked, sitting on the box he'd brought back for a chair. Depression wouldn't do her any good in healing faster.

“I don't know if I can...” She mumbled. “It's not something one can just... talk about.”

“Does it have to do with where you're from and how you got here?” He asked. “Is that why you can't say anything?”

“Yes.” She looked at the hand that had been mutilated. “Thank you. I know you're a healer, I'm sure you felt obligated, but thank you.” She started crying, but he saw her bottle it up again.

“It's all right, you don't have to be afraid here.” _Is she afraid of me? Or has she been alone so long she feels the need to hide herself?_

“Is that why you put me in the back?” She frowned. “I never thought the Champion would be so... cruel.”

“He's not necessarily cruel.” Anders sighed. “He had to sell himself into servitude to a mercenary to get his family into Kirkwall, and then he lost his sister to the Deep Roads, something he blamed me for at first, even though he didn't want me to go. He lost his mother to a sadistic bastard, and someone he considered a friend destroyed his trust when she brought war to Kirkwall. He's had a rough life, and I try to be understanding, but he's got his way of getting things done that not many of us agree with.”

“Protective...” She said. “He cares a great deal about you, and I'm a threat because I can't give him the answers he wants. He doesn't want to lose you, and he'd blame himself if anything happened to you...” So she understood a lot more than he expected.

“I'm glad you understand.” Anders said. “Most people aren't so... forgiving.” She started zoning out and he decided he would leave such conversations for later. “I imagine you must be quite hungry by now.”

“I... I suppose I am.” She said. “I hadn't thought about it.”

“You've been through a lot, so I'm not surprised.” Anders stood up. “I'll be right back.”

 

* * *

 

While Anders was gone, Claire started thinking of a new plan of action, since the first one was not going to work. She should have gone with being from Tevinter to start, and having left while she was just a child, and perhaps add in some truth, that she was a disappointment to her family, maybe because she wasn't a mage. They had died when she was twelve, along with her little brother, and she'd been passed on to her aunt, who hated her. How often had she run away? Not that her aunt cared. Unfortunately, that was how she had met Markus, who was an abusive shit head and she'd barely been able to escape him. At least he'd never hurt another woman again...

When Claire had turned eighteen, she'd gotten her family's inheritance, which allowed her to start doing stuff with her life. She'd gotten a small apartment in the worst area because it was cheap, had gotten a job that paid slightly more than minimum wage, and dedicated her free time and money to fighting, with various reenactment groups, as well as learning danzan ryu. She could always say she traveled around Thedas, and had learned of Anders from various rumors. It felt lame, but she wanted to give them answers and it was far more believable than some made up land to the south.

But there was a nagging voice in her head, saying that she couldn't get close to Anders. She knew too much, she needed to leave as soon as she was able, if not sooner. What would he do if he found out what she knew? Or where she was really from? Or if he found out she would be more than willing to sacrifice herself for his cause? She couldn't risk anything, he had to go on his own path, even if it meant making him hate her.

 

* * *

 

When Anders got back, Claire was sitting up, staring at her hands in her lap, her expression flat and exhausted. He set the tray down on the table, but she didn't even look at him.

“Is everything all right?” He asked.

“I am from Tevinter.” She said, her voice monotone. “I'm sorry. I left when I was a kid and I want nothing to do with it ever again... I... I was a disappointment. I'm not a mage.” He stared at her in shock, wondering what brought on her willingness to open up.

“I'm sorry, that must have been difficult.” He said.

“My family was murdered when I was twelve.” She pushed the heel of her palm into her face, making it obvious it was still a sore subject for her. “I was forced to live with my aunt, who hated me. I ran away. I've... I've been wandering, I have no home, no friends.” She started sobbing again. Anders put a reassuring hand on her back, but she flinched away, shaking her head. “I'm just a lying worthless nobody, just let me crawl off to die alone. I don't need your pity!”

“You don't honestly believe that, do you?” Anders asked. Could anyone believe that?

She looked at him, her expression angry and hurt. “Why shouldn't I? No one has wanted me, not my parents, my aunt, not even the man who claimed to love me who only used me and abused me. Just... leave me alone, you... you unholy abomination! I'll... I'll never like mages!” _Is she really trying to get me to go away with such a forced insult? Talking tough to scare away any potential pain?_ There was no way he could believe she was serious with how fake it sounded.

“Fine. But I do not turn my back on a patient.” He said. “No matter where they're from, or what they are. There's food on the table here. I'll leave you in peace.” He walked out, then stopped as he heard her heart wrenching sobs. She truly didn't want anyone to get close to her, but he supposed she didn't really know him if she thought he'd abandon someone so readily. He needed to at least tell Hawke what he'd learned.

 

* * *

 

She knew it would be futile to warn him away, especially with such a flimsy insult, so she figured she would need to just leave, as soon as she was given a proper shirt, anyway. She wasn't sure she could meander around Darktown in just bandages, even if they covered most of everything up top. How was she supposed to get out, anyway? She decided she'd have to wait until really late at night, while Anders was asleep, then she could leave. Unless he left the clinic locked... she couldn't re-lock it. She sighed, frustrated, and ate the soup he'd brought. It wasn't very good, but it was something and she was starving.

There was a cup of something she assumed was an herbal tea she forced herself to drink as well, wondering what sort of garbage food she'd have to get used to eating by running off. If she could even find food. How many people were starving to death in Darktown? Maker, if she was only rich, she could feed them all... but the chances of finding some lost elven temple or whatever full of artifacts would be near impossible, unless she was Hawke, and she was not going to try her hand at the Deep Roads.

She decided she'd ditch her armor and stuff, it'd only make her more of a target, and she didn't even know where it was. She looked down at her necklaces and slowly took them off. She loved them, but she couldn't keep them if she was going to run off. They'd mark her as rich or something, they were something to steal, and she couldn't have anything like that. Maybe Anders could do something with them...

Her anxiety didn't want her to wait any longer, especially with how Anders had left. Her failed attempt at scaring him away obviously hadn't worked, he hadn't believed her one bit. She cringed just thinking about it. She slowly got up, feeling the tightness in her chest, the sharp pains, but decided she would be well enough to leave, so long as she found a place she could rest for the night. Surely there was an old mining cart... She walked out into the hall and looked around. Seeing nothing, she crept into the clinic. Anders didn't seem to be around, so she looked for something she could use as a shirt, praying it wouldn't be some plague ridden thing.

“Can I help you, child?” An old woman looked at her with concern in her eyes.

“I... um, I was looking for a shirt.” Claire said. The woman's eyes brightened as she smiled and pointed to a box in the corner.

“It's a donation box, whatever folks can spare.”

“Thank you, it will feel good to be clothed again.” Claire went over to the box and noticed she was no longer being watched. She grabbed a brown shirt that looked like it was made for a teenage boy. It was a little large, but she was just glad to have something on. Making sure no one was paying attention, she left the clinic.


	2. Chapter 2

“What do you mean she is a Vint?” Hawke snapped. Anders sighed.

“I'm just glad she told me.” The mage said. “It all makes sense. She said her parents were disappointed in her for not being a mage, and her aunt hated her, so she ran away.”

“I can understand that, if they were mages themselves.” Fenris grumbled. “No wonder she wants nothing to do with Tevinter and would deny it.”

“I suppose I should stop considering her a threat then?” Hawke asked. “If she has no home, where is she going to go after she heals?”

“I don't know, she tried to warn me away.” Anders was itching to get back to the clinic lest she decide to run off. “Much like a frightened dog not wanting to get hurt again.”

“Can you blame her?” Fenris asked. “Magic has tainted her life, as it does with everyone.”

“Not right now, you two!” Hawke barked, before Anders could respond. “Maker, can you guys just drop it for once? You're never going to agree!”

“Fine. But I need to get back, to make sure she's not left.” Anders said. “I cannot in good conscience let a patient wander off to die alone, and she made it obvious she doesn't want to stay.”

“No, and I don't want her to leave either.” Hawke said.

“Still determined to speak with her?” Fenris asked, and Anders wondered if that was jealousy in his tone. He knew Hawke and Fenris had gotten together, briefly, but nothing had seemed to happen with it, which was a shame, because while Anders thought Hawke could do better than Fenris, it would do them both a world of good to just get laid now and then.

When they got back to the clinic, one of the old women who helped out, Maude, approached. “Messere, there was a girl here, covered in bandages around her chest...”

“Did she leave?” Anders asked, knowing the answer already. _Dammit, dammit, dammit!_ He clenched his fist, frustrated.

“She took a shirt from the box first. Acted like she didn't want to be seen, so I left her be.”

“Thank you.” Anders stormed out of the clinic and rested his head in his arms on the railing.

“We'll find her.” Hawke said, but Anders wasn't convinced. She wanted to disappear, and he figured she'd be good at it.

“What would be the point?” He asked. “I can't force a patient to stay. She's on her own now.”

Later that night, he went to the back room and stared at the empty bed, her necklaces placed neatly on the pillow. He'd never gotten to ask her about them and what they meant. Maybe it was for the Chantry, and she'd just said it wasn't in a pain induced daze. He took them back to his room and placed them in a small box he kept his Tevinter Chantry amulet that Hawke had given him in. He had a small hope he'd be able to return them to her some day.

 

* * *

 

A few months later, Anders found himself hunting slavers in a cave along the Wounded coast with Hawke, Varric, Fenris and Merrill. It wasn't his ideal, having to listen to Fenris and Merrill bicker, but he could at least trade jokes with Varric. How could Hawke stand to have them all together? Him, a possessed mage, with a blood mage who loved demons, and an elf who feared and despised mages and everything they stood for? Come to think of it, why did he even accept Hawke's invitation?

Varric's sources had said a shipment of slaves was about to leave from the cave, and at least none in the party agreed with slavery. It was probably the one thing they all agreed on fighting against. Hawke wouldn't befriend anyone who thought slavery was a good idea, anyway, so there they were, killing slavers again. Anders wiped the sweat from his brow as he surveyed the chaos they'd caused, making sure the slaves had escaped unharmed, once the slavers had been killed.

“Does anyone need healing?” Anders asked.

A small elf from the back spoke up, just a child judging by the voice. “There's more slavers!” He cried.

“Where?” Hawke demanded.

“They chased a woman down that path.” Another elf pointed. “She hadn't been captured with us, I think she was trying to help...”

“She was...” A mournful voice said. There was a human girl, maybe twelve years old, sitting off to the side. “It was my fault, she'd be fine if it wasn't for me.” The girl started crying.

“I'll stay with them.” Merrill said. “You go and find this other woman.” Not wasting any time, Anders followed Hawke down the path the elves had pointed to, hoping they'd find the woman safe.

“What kind of crazy woman would go after a group of slavers on her own?” Varric asked.

“She may be a mage.” Fenris said. “We'd best be careful.” Anders wanted to argue the point, but knew Fenris might be right. Who else would think they could have a chance? As they got down to a particularly deep and dark section of the cave, they could hear voices up ahead, but they were too muffled to understand. Eventually, they could make them out.

“Where could she have gone?” An angry man yelled.

“She just got Tyrus!” Another screamed. “I can't see her!” That was followed by a gurgling sound and a body hitting the ground. Anders saw an area ahead of them light up with a fireball, coupled with loud curses.

“Who are you?” One asked.

“Got you!” They heard a woman cry out, and several men cheer, but the cheer was short lived as they heard another man die. Hawke and company burst into the room and saw the slavers had cornered the woman, who was glowering like a trapped tiger as she held one of the slavers by the collar, his neck obviously broken.

“Claire!” Anders cried out. The slavers turned, surprised at more people to fight. Claire took that advantage to snap the neck of another, and charged a third while Anders started roasting the others. The instant the last slaver fell, he turned to Claire.

“Claire, you're alive!” He said. He'd given up hope on finding her long ago and wondered at her fate, never believing he'd ever learn of it.

She looked at him confused. “You... remember my name.”

“That's the first thing you think of?” Hawke laughed. She bristled at the question.

“Of course I remember.” Anders said. “I never thought I'd see you again.” He took a better look at her and saw she had gotten injured so he stepped towards her. “Here, let me heal that.” She stepped back a little and looked at him suspiciously.

“Why would you care?” She asked. “I can understand being a healer and having a patient disappear, but... why would you, outside of that?”

“He's just hoping to change your mind about mages.” Fenris said. She quickly turned to glare at Fenris.

“You don't even know what I think of mages.” She snapped. “Yes, magic can be abused, but that goes with any sort of power. You think you're completely innocent? You've never hurt any innocents in your life? I've heard stories about you too. Hypocrite.” She spat.

“You know nothing of my life!” Fenris charged her, his tattoos glowing.

“I heard about the Fog warriors.” She held his gaze. “You didn't need magic to slaughter them, did you?” She turned and ran past them, towards where the slaves were being held, and Fenris just stood there, shocked and angry. Anders went after her, wondering at her strange outburst. She didn't hate and fear mages then, she just feared everyone. He refused to think on what she'd accused Fenris of at that moment.

When he got back to the slaves, she was hugging the girl, who was crying. As soon as the girl saw Anders, she pointed at him, tugging on Claire's shirt.

“He's a healer!” She said. “He can help you!”

“I know, Elodie.” Claire sighed. “Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll ask him.” Most of the other slaves had already left, leaving the area quiet and empty. Varric busied himself helping the last ones figure out their path.

“I already offered.” Anders said. Claire looked down and blushed.

“I know... I like to think I'm capable on my own.” She said. “I have survived this long without your aid. I feel like it's a waste on me. I'll be fine.” He wondered if it was because it was magic, or she was just being stubborn.

“Considering the condition you were in when we first met, you might benefit from having a mage around more.” He smiled as he started healing her. Did he really just hit on her?

She continued to look at the floor. “I would benefit from a lot of things, I think, but beggars can't be choosers.” He was surprised she didn't outright hate on the idea of having a mage around, so maybe she was just stubborn.

“You could at least stop in and say hello now and then, I think I deserve that much.”

She finally looked at him, confused. “Why do you care? You have enough problems to worry about without me getting in your way.”

“You're no bother.” He said. “Is it so wrong for me to want to get to know you better?” She seemed to get more upset at that and pulled away.

“I don't understand why you want to.” She said. “Come on, Elodie, let's go.”

“Shouldn't that be my choice?” He asked, grabbing her arm. “Or are you forever going to stop yourself from getting close to anyone for fear of getting hurt?” She pulled away and hurried to the cave entrance, with the young girl in tow, leaving Anders wondering if she'd ever give in and just come visit now and then, or if she'd wall herself off from any sort of friendship. She'd been plaguing his mind since he first met her, a mystery he wanted to solve. He got the impression that she didn't actually hate magic after all.

“Well that was awkward.” Merrill said. “Say, where are Hawke and Fenris? They didn't come back with you? Are they all right?”

“I'm sure they're fine, we killed all the slavers.” Anders said, distracted. “That woman, Claire... she said something about Fenris, about something he'd done. I think it upset him. Let's leave them for a moment, I'm sure they'll be out soon.”

 

* * *

 

Another month had passed before Claire saw Anders again, and it wasn't the way she was wanting to see him. Elodie had come running up to Claire while she was cooking, looking extremely panicked. Claire quickly put the spoon down as the girl grabbed her by the shoulders.

“The Templars got the healer!” She cried. Claire wasted no time in grabbing her daggers and going after them, making Elodie stay behind. When she got near to where Elodie had said they were, she could hear Anders crying out in pain as they tortured him, and it made her blood boil. There were two Templars, fully armed, meaning she'd have to play it smart to save the mage. _I can do this... I can save him... I have to save him._ Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself and crept up behind the Templars.

“Wow, what's this?” She said, forcing herself to sound happier than she felt. “Templars! In Darktown! And look, you caught a mage!” She grinned and clapped the Templars on the back as Anders, who'd been stripped and bound, and was bleeding all over, glared at her with such a hurt expression. _Don't worry, Anders, I'll get you out, just bear with me_.

“Who are you?” One of the Templars asked, a dangerous growl to his tone.

“Oh, just some nobody, like everyone else down in this hole.” She shrugged. “I'm surprised it took you so long to get this one, honestly.”

“You...!” Anders seemed to be too flustered, making him have difficulty with his words. “After everything I've done!”

“Shut it, mage!” The other Templar kicked the healer's already bleeding leg. Claire was a bit worried at the amount of blood he was losing and figured she didn't have much time. The healer was wearing a strange black collar with a rune on it, and she wondered if that was why he was without magic, or Justice. She managed to place herself between the two Templars, resting her hands casually on her daggers as she stared him in the eyes. The pain and anger in those amber eyes was intense and she almost lost it and broke character. She had to stay strong, for him.

“You should be running along now.” The first Templar said. “A pretty thing like you shouldn't see such things as this.” She nodded.

“Forgive me, Anders.” She said. _I mean that, please believe me._ “Sometimes we just have to accept that things are done a certain way for a reason. You're an abomination. You knew they would find you eventually.” Oh how it pained her to say that, and it obviously pained him to hear it. “Well, boys, I'll let you get back to it.” Then as quick as she could, she stabbed both Templars in the necks and yanked her blades out through their throats, spraying blood all over Anders. She suddenly felt something behind her and just barely dodged a third Templar's sword.

“You bitch!” He yelled as he charged her. She deflected and stabbed him in the left armpit while there was an opening. He dropped his shield and swung at her madly, losing control. She managed to get his sword out of his hand, but he was able to punch her straight in the face. Her world exploded in stars and she hit the wall behind her, knocking the wind out of her. Trying to get her vision back, she stumbled around and he punched her again, in her back. _This is not how I die!_ She screamed in her head, gripping a dagger tightly as she forced herself up.

She growled as she charged the Templar, no longer caring if she died in the process, and shoved her dagger straight through his chin and into his brain. She watched him fall, then stumbled over to Anders, who was still lying on the ground, staring at her in shock.

“Let's get that damn collar off you...” She mumbled as she cut his hands free. “Nobody touches you and gets away with it...”

“Be careful, it might shock you.” He said. She practically had to lay on him and was having a hard time staying conscious as she fiddled with the strange locking mechanism on the collar. _At least if I die, I can die on top of Anders... and he's not even wearing clothing..._ She nearly laughed out loud with that thought. She couldn't imagine what her face must look like.

“Almost got it...”

 

* * *

 

Anders stayed as still as possible while Claire worked to get the collar off, so many emotions going through him he couldn't sort it out. When he'd first seen her, hope had flared in him, until she spoke. She'd warned him off enough times, he felt like she was really siding with the Templars, but then to see her just kill them, even after calling him an abomination... He'd barely understood her mumbling, but it sounded like she'd said no one got away with touching him. What side was she really on?

Electricity shot through him and he heard Claire cry out in pain, then it was over and his mana came rushing back to him, as Claire fell unconscious on top of him. He cautiously rolled her off, then healed his leg so it would at least stop bleeding, before tending to her. It took a lot out of him to keep her from dying. The Templar had cracked her skull, and she was bleeding inside. Any longer and she would have died.

“Anders!” Hawke's cry rang out, startling him. The warrior knelt down and grasped the mage in a tight hug. “When that girl came to get me, telling me you'd been captured... I hadn't dared to hope...”

“What is she doing here?” Fenris asked, pointing to Claire.

“I told her first.” Elodie's voice squeaked with nervousness. “But... I wasn't sure she'd be able to do it on her own. Please, messere, please tell me she's all right!” There were tears in her eyes and Anders wished he could give her better news.

“Well she did beat them on her own.” Anders said. “Scared me to death at first, acting like she was siding with the blighted Templars. If we can get her back to the clinic, I should be able to heal her, but her skull was cracked.”

“Can you walk?” Hawke asked, handing the mage his clothing.

“I'll manage, but someone will have to carry her.” Anders tried healing his leg a little more, but he was drained. At least he'd gotten Claire stabilized. Again. Was she going to make that a habit? Not that he was complaining... it allowed him more time with her, and with how she'd risked her life to save him, he was even more drawn to her, wanting to get to know her more.

He had Hawke take Claire to the back room, where he locked the door, stating he didn't want her to run off again. Elodie took off to tell the others that Claire was staying with the healer, and Hawke again made sure Anders was going to be all right. He assured the Champion he would be, and watched Hawke walk out with Fenris, leaving the mage to himself. After cleaning himself up and bandaging his leg better, he went in the back and stared at Claire. Her face was still so swollen, black and blue and scabbed over, and he was certain she'd gotten another broken rib or two, and there he was, unable to help her more until he'd rested and replenished his mana.

Part of him didn't want to leave her side, just in case something happened in the night where she'd need care. He was certain he'd gotten everything that could be fatal, but he was exhausted and emotionally strained as well. He sighed and dragged some blankets and a pillow into the room, laying down beside her, hoping he could get some rest.

Surprisingly, when Anders woke up and peeked outside, it was morning. Claire was still asleep, but her breathing sounded fine and she wasn't as pale as death anymore. The swelling in her face was still bad, however, so he focused on that first. He'd only been at it for a couple minutes when a small knock on the door interrupted him.

“Excuse me, messere...” Elodie was there, holding two bowls of food. “Is she any better?”

Anders got up and took the bowls from her, gesturing for her to come in. “She is a little, but I need to get this swelling down.” He put the food on the table, only then noticing it was some sort of porridge full of fruit. _Where did she get this? It looks like something Hawke would have._

“I can't believe she did that...” Elodie took Claire's hand and stared at her swollen eye. “When I told her, I was just desperate for someone to help you... I never thought she'd actually sacrifice herself. I thought... I thought she'd get someone else, but I had to...”

“To be fair, I don't think she was planning on it either.” Anders said. “The third Templar took her by surprise, while the other two she was able to trick into thinking she was on their side. She was good, I actually believed she was going to help them myself.” Elodie laughed.

“I think it's because she's spent so long hiding herself.” The girl said. “I know she acts a lot around me, but I've been figuring her out. Maybe one of these days she'll open up... but even with how protective of me she's become, she won't show any weakness.” She looked at Anders and hesitated, then shook her head. “I should get going. But... um, thank you. I'll come back later to check on her.” He watched her run out and decided he needed to eat a little before helping Claire more.

Whatever the porridge was, it was a pleasant change from his normal fare, which was often nothing. The bits of apples and other things in it made it so much better, and it was gone before he knew it. He went back to healing Claire, wondering what her reaction would be when she finally woke. He was fairly certain she'd try to run again, but if he continued to lock her in, she'd be more like a prisoner than a patient, and she'd never forgive him for that.

 

* * *

 

Her world was pain. There was nothing but agony, and darkness, and she moaned, tossing and turning, trying to get away from it. A soothing voice spoke to her, and the pain eased a little, but it didn't go away. Her left eye was still too swollen to open, so she didn't even bother trying to open her right eye. She didn't care. She'd killed the Templars, Maker willing she'd saved the healer and that was who was helping her. She didn't want to think about that, though.

Just the thought of him touching her sent shivers down her body, and it disturbed her. She didn't really know the man, she was just obsessed with him, and it would be better for him if he never got close to her. She didn't know what sort of relationship she could even offer him, if she could offer him one at all, even just friendship. Of course now he had to have the idea that she didn't hate mages... she just hoped he didn't want anything more than just a simple friendship. Maker she was overthinking everything. Nothing could just be simple with her.

How could it be simple when she knew exactly what Anders was planning, and was terrified she was going to screw it up? What if her mere presence was enough to change things? There wasn't any information on what happened in the three years between the defeat of the Qunari and the blowing up of the Chantry... She supposed the explosion was just something that had to happen, and nothing could change it. What was she going to do when the time came? She didn't think she'd be going home anytime soon... she couldn't even tell him the truth of where she was from... Frustrated, she started crying, unable to stop.

“Hey, shh, it's all right...” It was Anders, there was no mistaking that voice, and all she could do was shake her head, which sadly caused her more pain. She wanted to leave, but she couldn't even think of standing. Why was him being nice to her such an issue for her? Why couldn't she handle it? And why couldn't she stop crying? It was only making things worse.

“Claire...” He ran his hand across her head, and some of the pain eased. “What's wrong? Is it the pain? Do you need something?”

“No...” Her voice sounded raspy. “I don't know... I don't know anything anymore...”

He was quiet for a minute, then felt him hold her hand. “Your skull was cracked, I was barely able to save you. It's going to take some time to heal. I'm sorry.” She cracked her right eye open, to see him look regretful.

“Why?” She asked. “Why sorry? I fucked up, not you.”

He chuckled. “I was the one who got captured by the Templars.” He said. “If I'd been a little more diligent, you wouldn't have had to rescue me. Which, by the way, I didn't think you would do. So thank you, I greatly appreciate it.”

“You saved me... twice now. I had to repay...”

He frowned. “I hope that's not the only reason you risked your life.”

“I didn't see the third Templar...” She looked away, feeling ashamed for not being completely honest. “It was supposed to be easy. I wasn't risking my life or anything...”

“Do you truly believe that?” He asked. “Do you truly believe there was no danger in approaching two heavily armed Templars who had a completely helpless mage at their disposal?” She refused to answer that. How could she? Of course she knew there was a danger, and she knew she was risking her life, but she wasn't going to admit it. She closed her eye and turned to the wall, willing herself not to cry again. She hated how weak she was when she was in pain and exhausted. Somehow, whether by his help or sheer divine intervention, she fell asleep again.

The next time she woke up, she was shocked to be able to open both eyes, but worse, was that she found herself in Markus' house, her wrists tied to the bed. She thrashed and screamed, breaking the ropes just in time to see Markus walk in. She bolted up and pressed herself against the wall.

“I killed you.” She gasped. “You can't be here. I killed you.”

He looked confused. “You've never hurt me...”

“I won't let you touch me!” She yelled. “I won't let you touch another woman again!” Furious and desperate, she charged at him, but she suddenly found she couldn't move and started panicking more. Why couldn't she move? And why was he looking at her with such a distraught expression? Nothing was making sense. As soon as she could move, she crumpled to the floor, sobbing. She felt so sick and disoriented... _What is wrong with me?_

“I won't touch you, if that's what you want.” Suddenly Anders was there where Markus had been, and she slowly realized what had happened.

“Fuck...” She gasped between sobs. “I was b-back... I was there... you... I th-thought you were M-Markus... I killed him! I killed him... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...” She felt his hand gently on her back and part of her wanted nothing more than to be held by him, but the other part told her she needed to run.

“I'm here if you need to talk.” He said. She quickly stood up and moved away from him, glaring at him.

“Stop being so nice to me!” She cried. “I'm just a monster. I lost myself and I almost hurt you because of it. If you hadn't... just... leave me alone!”

 

* * *

 

He stared at her, surprised that her words were so similar to what he'd said after he'd almost killed Ella, and as she slid down the wall, putting her head to her knees, his heart went out to her.

“You may not be a mage, but it seems you have your own demons to battle.” He said, sitting down beside her, taking care not to touch her. “I won't press you, but I'm here for you. I won't give up on you just because you want to chase me off.”

“It'd be better for you to not have anything to do with me.” She mumbled.

“Do you know how many times I've felt that way?” He asked. “I'm an apostate, joined with a spirit of Justice, whose need for vengeance can't always be controlled. I almost killed a mage girl because of it, the very person I strive to save. I still fear that I'll turn on a patient one of these days, and that I won't be able to stop it.” She looked at him, almost confused.

“Still?” She asked.

“It's been over a year, and nothing has happened since, but yes, I still fear it.” He said. “But I cannot give up on my cause so easily. I cannot abandon the people of Darktown, or the mages.” She sighed and patted his shoulder.

“Well, if anyone's given you reason to turn on a patient, it's been me.” She said. “So thank you for not.” They sat there in silence for a few minutes before she got up and sat on the bed, a wry smile on her face. “I'm going to assume I'm not well enough just yet to leave.”

Anders stood up as well and shook his head. “Not just yet, I want to make sure I didn't miss anything, and another day of a rest won't kill you. Elodie came by earlier with some food, if you'd like. It's... cold, but I'm sure it's still good.”

“Thank you. And... I am sorry I attacked you. It seemed so real...”

“Does this happen often?” He asked.

She shook her head. “No... not really. Not to that extent anyway.”

“Then we can probably blame your injury for it.” Anders said. “I'll get you back to normal in no time. Do you think you'll be all right for a while? I do need to check on the others.” She nodded, trying to smile.

“Don't worry about me, I'm tough.” She said.

“Good, then I'll let you eat in peace. Let me know if you need anything.” He shut the door behind him and went back to his patients, but he couldn't stop thinking about Claire. How could he help someone like her when he had a hard enough time helping himself?

That night he went back to heal her some more, glad to see the bruising and swelling had gone down so she could see clearly again.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Better, thank you.” She said. “You know, I heard rumors you had a cat in the Deep Roads.” He smiled and nodded as he started healing her. While he worked, they talked about cats, and how much they missed having them.  
When he went to check on her in the morning, she was gone again. He wasn't surprised, but he wished she would at least say goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

As the days passed, Claire felt, more and more, that she should go see Anders again, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she went walking around Darktown, not really doing much for once, mulling over everything that had happened to her since her arrival. Anders hadn't asked her about her necklaces, and after she'd mentioned her Tevinter origin story, he didn't ask why she was there, or anything about how she got there, even though she hadn't really answered it. Surely he wasn't satisfied with the answer she'd given? Or maybe he was just being polite and respecting her privacy.

Some loud shouting nearby snapped her out of her daydream and she hurried over to where it was coming from. A woman was being assaulted by two men, but before Claire could do anything, Anders showed up, glowing blue and absolutely pissed off. He made short work of the men, and before Justice could fade back, Claire ran out.

“Justice!” She yelled. Will he stay and talk? Or will Anders come back? The woman bolted, and Justice turned towards Claire, gripping his staff as if to attack, so she got into a defensive position as well.

“Why have you come?” He growled.

“I heard the fighting.” She said. “And now I finally get to meet the demon that has the healer.” She didn't like saying such things, but she wanted to know how far he'd go.

“I am no demon!” He shouted, coming at her.

“Could have fooled me!” She laughed. “Possessing a mortal's body like that? That's not what spirits do.”

“I have not possessed him, we are joined as one.” He snapped. “And you would do well to stay away from us. You are nothing but a distraction, someone who is against our cause, who must be dealt with.”

“How little you know of me.” She said. “Do you really think I need to be dealt with? Can you even do it? What justice would there be in getting rid of me? I saved your ass when the Templars got you, don't forget. So try it, just try it!” She got up in his face. _What the hell am I doing?_ She suddenly started questioning how logical she was being, pushing an angry spirit like that. He slammed her into the wall, putting his nose an inch away from hers as he stared into her eyes, his glowing blue and swirling.

“You are no threat.” He said. “You do not possess the ability to stop us.”

“Don't I?” She retorted. “You think I don't know where to get that collar that shut you down? You don't think I can call the Templars on you myself?” Snarling, he raised his staff as magical energy swirled around him. “Do it, demon!” She was suicidal, she decided. After all that time, she'd snapped and was attempting suicide by pushing Vengeance, there was no other explanation for why she was doing it. Would he kill her?

He slammed the staff into the ground and grabbed his head, doubling over, and she breathed a sigh of relief as he stopped glowing. What was she trying to prove? And who was she trying to prove it to?

 

* * *

 

Anders blinked, staring at the woman who had been haunting his thoughts as she pressed herself against the wall, breathing hard. She had pushed him, as if she had wanted him to attack her. She knew what he was, what he could do, what was she doing? He stood up straight, and walked away, not wanting to know the answer. He may not have been in control, but he had an idea of what had happened. Was she just looking for an excuse to kill him?

“Anders, wait, I'm sorry.” She hurried to him, but he continued to ignore her. “I... I don't know what I was thinking...”

“What do you want from me?” He asked.

“You didn't hurt me.” She said. “I gave you every reason to strike me down. I don't think you can, for all your fears.” He stopped and stared at her.

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn't meaning to do anything like that, it just... I guess I got angry, seeing... seeing your spirit friend... Spirits aren't meant to inhabit mortal bodies!” She looked so frustrated. “But even though I kept running my mouth off like an idiot, you didn't do anything. Or, Justice didn't. I know that I would never turn on you, but he doesn't. You don't. You can't trust me, I've never given you any reason to trust me, I've tried to push you away, but dammit, you don't listen! You've continued to be insistent on being friendly to me...”

He wasn't sure how to react. She was usually so quiet and reserved, quick to hide, to run away, yet here she was actually yelling at him, and seemingly confused that he hadn't killed her, and that he wouldn't shun her. It almost sounded more like she was thinking out loud than even talking to him.

“I don't understand why you're so insistent on chasing me away.” He said. “You can't possibly believe that your lies are believable.” She looked a little hurt by that.

“Not everything has been a lie.” She said, pouting.

“No, and that's why your lies are so easy to spot.” He said. The look she was giving him almost made him smile, if he hadn't been so drained. “You can be honest with me, you know.”

“No... I don't think I can.” She said, frowning. “Or at least, not... not.... not about some things. You're right though, I should stop saying stupid hurtful things just to try to get you to hate me.” She sighed and started walking, so he matched pace.

“Why in the Maker's name would you want me to hate you?” He asked. “That makes no sense.”

“I... I don't... it's just easier. Then I don't have to worry. Then I don't have to wonder if people are being nice to me because they want something.”

“Believe me, I have no problem showing my animosity towards people.” He said.

“Even delirious patients who try to attack you?” She looked at him suspiciously. “I know I heard you, the very first time we met, when I was unable to move or speak... you wondered why you were saving my life. But you did anyway. At first you seemed irritated with me, but you started getting nicer, and that you even remembered my name, and acted like you cared about me when we freed the slaves, saying you wanted to get to know me better... and then after the Templars... I just don't understand why you won't just... stop.” He raised an eyebrow, trying to figure her out. Was she serious?

“Are you really so afraid of someone genuinely wanting to know you better?” He asked.

“When people care, it only makes it worse.” She stared at her feet as she walked, her voice suddenly cold and flat. “It's better to not care. It's better to chase people off so that they won't get hurt, and so they can't hurt back. This world doesn't have much sympathy for people with good intentions, everyone for themselves. Trust only gets you killed.” She didn't sound like she really believed it, or wanted to believe it, but as if she had to believe it.

“You know what I am.” He said. “You've seen it, you know what I can do. I may not have hurt you today, despite your efforts to push me to it, but there may come a day when I will. I am an apostate, who cannot control this need for vengeance, fighting for the freedom of mages, and I will always be hunted, and hated. I will always be a danger to those around me.” He stopped, noticing she'd started crying again, trying to hold back but failing.

“You have friends who care about you a great deal.” She said. “They will never hate you. They love you enough to torture me for just coming off as threatening to you. Do you really think they'll turn on you, even after everything? Are you truly as far gone as me, that you can't trust even Hawke?”

“Despite my warning him, and him knowing what I am, and what I've done...” Anders sighed. “Yes, I trust Hawke with my life. But I know that trust can be broken, and that one of these days, I know I will break it, as much as it will hurt me to do so.”

“I would rather no one get close, so that I won't have to break anyone's trust.” She murmured. “We two... we are hopeless. Do you want to hear a song I learned on my traveling?”

“Yes...” He was confused but he was curious. She began singing a slow and sad tune:

 

_“Who shall sing me, Into deathsleep sling me,_  
_When I on the path to Hel go, And this track I tread_  
_Is cold, so cold, so cold._

_I sought the songs, I sent the songs._  
_Then the deepest well Gave me tears so harsh_  
_From the Slain-father's pledge._

_I know everything, Odin, To whom you gave your eye._  
_Early or in the day's end, The raven still knows if I fall._

_Once you stand at the gate to Hel And when you have to tear free,_  
_I shall follow you Over Gjallarbrú with my song._  
_You will be free from the bonds that bind you,_  
_You are free from the bonds that bound you!_

_"Cattle die, Friends die, So, too, must you die._  
_Though one thing Never dies;_  
_The fair fame one has earned._

_Cattle die, Friends die, So, too, must you die._  
_I know one, That never dies;_  
_Judgment of a dead man's life."_

 

“It's... oddly beautiful.” He said.

“Even as hopeless as we are, we still help others.” She said. “Judgment of a dead man's life... how will we be judged? What mark will we have left the world? I hope that, despite everything... it will be a positive one, for me. For you... I know what mark you'll leave. You will leave a very large mark. You will change the world, it's just... I can't see anything else for you. You've too much passion.” He wasn't sure if he should take that as a compliment or not.

“I hope you're right.” He said. “But I hope it's a positive change, one that will finally see mages freed. If you continue to hide, though, you won't be able to leave much of any sort of mark on the world.” She softly chuckled, shaking her head.

“You can leave a mark without being noticed.” She said. “The people may not know who you are, but their lives will be affected nonetheless. Little things, here and there, even just a smile can change someone's life... or save it.”

“Have you been saved by a smile?” He asked. She frowned as she looked away.

“Yes...” She spoke so quietly, he almost didn't hear her. “I was heading to a bridge... I was going to jump, though whether or not I would have died is questionable, as it wasn't very high, but I wasn't thinking. As I walked, this older gentleman made a point of catching my eye and smiled, nodding his head in greeting. It... it struck me deep. I can't explain it. I didn't have anywhere to go, I had no home, but... for some reason I suddenly didn't want to die, and that there made me realize, that even if my life isn't perfect, I can still try to help others, even in small ways, even without money, and that maybe... maybe if I could just save one person, surviving will have been worth it. If I could just help one person... none of this will have been in vain.” She suddenly looked at him in shock, as if she couldn't believe what she'd just told him.

“Please don't go.” He said quickly.

“I need to get back...” She started backing up, so he instinctively grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at his hand as a flash of fear crossed her face, replaced with anger. “You'll never listen. You don't want to get to know me. I can never be fully honest with you, I'll never trust you, and it will only cause pain.”

“Let that be my decision to make.” He said. “Please.”

“You said yourself you'll hurt me!” She snapped. “You said you'll always be a danger!” He let her go, watching her run off down the darkened corridors. What had he been thinking? Why was he drawn to her at all? He should just forget her, as Justice kept telling him he should do. He felt the heavy weight of depression start settling into his gut again as he made his way back to the clinic. 

 

* * *

 

A week later, Claire ventured near Anders' clinic, wanting to apologize for being such an idiot. He was just trying to be friendly, and she shoved him away like a jerk. Well, she had warned him, but that didn't mean she wanted to hurt him. She hesitated at the door, wondering if she should go in, when she heard voices getting louder inside. She peeked in, and saw Anders sitting on a box, looking as if he'd just killed a kitten, and Hawke was waving his hands about as he got louder.

“You could have been killed!” Hawke was saying. “Never mind that you almost killed another innocent person... What were you thinking, going back there?” _The Gallows? Is that what he means?_

“Yes, I know, I risk my life constantly to save mages!” Anders stood up, his eyes flashing. “I was the only one who could go... the mage underground is all but destroyed, thanks to Meredith, and I couldn't just sit back and do nothing.”

“You could have waited for us, instead of going on ahead alone.” Hawke said. “I don't want something to happen to you, dammit!”

“You know I cannot abandon this cause.” Anders said, his voice cracking. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have work I need to do. Don't worry, it's just mixing potions this time.” Hawke quickly grabbed Anders in a hug before hurrying out. Claire managed to hide in time, watching the Champion storm off. What could she do? It was probably the worst time to visit the mage, but at the same time, she was there and it might help to talk to someone who wasn't so antagonistic as Hawke. Figuring she'd probably regret it, she took a deep breath, calming herself, and walked into the clinic.

“Hey...” She tried to speak softly, but her voice caught in her throat and she had to clear it. “I, um, I wanted to apologize...” He kept his back to her and she started getting afraid.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He said, his voice oddly cold.

“I was a rude bitch the other day, so yes, I should apologize. You didn't deserve that.” She was starting to regret coming in. “You don't deserve a lot of the shit you have to deal with...” He leaned against the cabinet and sighed.

“It would be better if you just left.” He said.

 

* * *

 

Of all the times for Claire to come, she had to pick then, and she was actually reaching out to him, apologizing for once! Anders cursed inwardly, praying she would leave without a fuss. With her, there was no telling, especially with how erratic her behavior had been the other day, and he did, he really did, want her to come, just not then... Not after... He waited for a response, but there was nothing, so he turned, expecting to see her gone. She was looking at him with such a distraught expression, he didn't know what to do. He didn't need that right then.

“I'm sorry.” She said. “I didn't... I just wish...” He was so frustrated and wanting her to leave, that he lost control and slammed her into the pillar she was standing next to, pinning her there as he stared at her with glowing blue eyes.

“Leave! Anders has no need of you.” Justice spat. He threw her to the ground with such force, she just lay there, writhing in pain, her eyes clenched tight.

“You'll... you'll have to kill me if... you want me to leave.” She spat through clenched teeth. Justice took it as a threat, not catching her muttered, “I think you broke me.” He shot lightning through her, making her arch her back in pain. Anders came back to himself suddenly, staring at the woman lying on the ground, who was moaning in pain, pain he caused.

“Oh Maker... what did I do...” He was getting worse. He was losing too much control. Hawke was right to be angry with him. He backed up, his hands to his head, crying. When he hit the pillar, he slid down it onto the floor.

“Anders...” He felt Claire's hand on his shoulder, nervous yet gentle. “I'm fine, but you're not. What happened?” He started crying harder, and suddenly Claire was pulling him to her, embracing him and caressing his head, trying to soothe him. “It'll be all right...” _It's not all right!_ He shouted in his head, unable to vocalize anything coherent. _Why don't you hate me? I just hurt you... Oh Maker, I hurt you and you don't seem to care... I don't understand._

When he'd started calming down a little, she was rubbing his back, and he didn't want to break whatever spell was over them, it felt too good to be held by her, the woman he couldn't stop thinking about. He found he wanted to kiss her, and the urge was so strong, he had to pull away, refusing to look at her, lest she see into his heart and know what he'd just thought. He'd almost just killed her, how could he think such things?

“Do you at least feel a little better?” She asked.

“Yes, thank you.”

“I'm here if you want to talk about it.” She said. “It's only fair, you listened to me after all, on more than one occasion.” She laughed a little.

“I just attacked you.” He said. “How can you sit there and not be afraid of me? How can you not hate me for what I am?”

She shrugged, looking at her lap. “I would be lying if I said there is no fear, but... I could never hate you. And I told you, I'm fine.”

“You're a terrible liar.” He said, reaching over to heal her. She flinched a little, but stayed still.

“Fine, it hurt like a bitch.” She said. “And I was terrified you'd kill me... but you didn't, you stopped, and you felt horrible for it. I couldn't just leave you like that... and I wasn't lying about how I can never hate you. Fear is one thing, but you've done nothing to deserve hate.” He didn't believe she couldn't hate him, how could he? A woman from Tevinter, who despised mages, who had been abused by magic, who had killed a man for abusing her, who had just been attacked by a mage... how could she not hate him? How could she not be disgusted with magic the way Fenris was?

“I almost killed another mage.” He said. “In the tunnels that lead to the Gallows. I am a danger to everyone around me, and I should have listened to you the first time you warned me away, then you'd not have gotten hurt.” She sighed, then sat down next to him, leaning against him and making his heart beat faster.

“I told you we're hopeless.” She said. “We're both too afraid to get close to others for fear of pain, or causing pain. Just... don't give up. Please. It's all right to take a break now and then, if you're pushing yourself too hard, but don't give up. You need to change the world, remember?”

“How can I change the world when I can't even save a mage without losing control?”

“Well, for starters, you need to learn how to relax more.” She laughed. “I'm one to talk about that... but, I know Justice probably would consider that some sort of sloth or something. Even after all this time, does he not understand the needs of a mortal body? The need to rest? To relax? To recenter?”

“Time doesn't work the same in the Fade.” He said. “Everything here is taking too long as it is, and it's wearing on us.”

“More reasons for you to relax.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. She was torturing him, and she had no idea. He couldn't relax around her. “After everything that's happened, I get the impression I can't really avoid you unless I leave Kirkwall.”

“Are you serious?”

“Quite.” She stated it so matter of fact, unaware of the turmoil it was causing in his heart. “I wasn't even here a day and you ran into me, saved my life... a few months later, you end up fighting the same slavers I was. Some funny coincidence... but then I get dragged into saving your life from those Templars, which made you have to save my life again, and then running into you last week, and then today... yeah, I feel like the Maker is having some sort of joke with us, and the only way I can make it stop is if I leave. I highly doubt you'd follow me.” She started laughing. “Maker, I sound like a conspiracy nut!”

“It doesn't feel like much of a joke.” Anders asked. “Maybe he's trying to tell us something.”

“Yeah... I know.” She sighed. “But there are some messages that are... too hard to swallow. They make me want to just run away. Like I've been doing my whole life. I don't want to stop running, but... I suppose you need someone to keep you out of trouble while Hawke's not around.”

“And you need someone to constantly keep you from dying.” He chuckled.

“Hey, it's only been twice...” She elbowed him. “What a hopeless pair we are. Don't think this means I'll trust you very readily, but I guess I'll stick around a little longer, maybe... maybe I'll stop in and say hi now and then.” He felt the weight in his chest lift a little at the thought.

“I'll look forward to it.”

“I'll never understand that.” She laughed again. “Look forward to seeing me? I suppose as long as I'm not injured, right? Maker preserve us, I'm such an idiot. I can't stop blathering on... but um, one quick question. The other day, Justice called me a distraction. How in Thedas am I a distraction?” Anders blushed and looked away, hoping she didn't notice.

“He considers anyone who takes up any time away from the cause a distraction.” He said.

“I hardly consider a few days out of more than a few months worthy of being considered a distraction.” She scoffed. “But I guess spirits aren't the most logical when it comes to matters of mortals, eh?”

“Right.” Anders laughed nervously. Claire quickly got up, brushed herself off, and looked down at Anders.

“You going to be all right?” She asked. “I can stay a little longer if you need, though I'd hate for Justice to have to come back out and yell at me about being such a horrible distraction.” She winked. He stood up himself and shook his head.

“Thank you for coming by. I appreciate it.” He said, grasping her arm. She returned the grip and they shook.

“We're probably going to end up killing each other, you know that right?” She smiled awkwardly. “Neither one of us is safe to be around... You know... I almost killed a man the other night because I didn't hear him come up behind me. He was on the ground with my knife to his throat before he could blink.” _Why am I so infatuated with this woman? She's right, we probably will end up killing each other._

Out loud, he said, “Don't tell Hawke, he's got enough to worry about.” He grinned.

“Tell Hawke?” She looked aghast. “He's already pried up two of my fingernails just for looking at you funny! He'd kill me if he thought I was a real danger, even if an accidental one.” She was serious about her feelings towards Hawke, and Anders couldn't blame her.

“You should at least get to know the man a little better.” He said.

“No.” She said. “Thank you but you're bad enough, I want nothing to do with the Champion, no offense to him or his friends, just no. In fact, I should probably leave now before he comes walking through the door and accuses me of doing insidious things.” Her fear of the Champion was impressive.

“I doubt he'll be back today.” Anders said. “But I understand. Thank you for coming. I'll look forward to your next visit.”

She glanced nervously towards the door. “I'm sure you'll soon change your mind on that.” She laughed. “But um, it was a good visit. Next time, we'll try to keep the injuring and insults to a minimum.” She grinned, bowed, and left.

 

* * *

 

Claire laid in her makeshift bed, Elodie sleeping beside her, and thought over and over again on Anders. It didn't seem to matter, she'd left an impression on the mage and he wanted to get to know her, but why? She was only going to mess things up. She was sure she already had... What would happen if he got close to her? Could she even let herself get close?

“You're thinking too loud...” Elodie mumbled.

“Sorry, I can't sleep.” Claire said. “Maybe I should go for a walk or something.”

“It's the healer, isn't it?”

Claire smiled. “Nothing gets past you, does it?”

“You should just tell him how you feel.” The girl poked Claire in the ribs.

“I can't, it wouldn't work. He doesn't need someone like me mucking stuff up, he's got important work he's doing.”

“And what do you think you're doing?” Elodie sat up, glaring at Claire. “Look around you, look at what you've done for the people here, what you've done for me. And surely you can't forget what you did for the healer? If it hadn't been for you, who knows if Hawke would have gotten to him on time.”

“But...”

“No buts, you tell him or I will.”

“That's not fair.” Claire frowned. She wasn't going to get away with hiding anymore, was she? Everyone was against her.

“Take him some of that stew tomorrow, make conversation. I know you want at least to be friends with him. You don't have to dive into a romantic relationship just yet.” She hadn't told the girl about the deal she'd made with Anders, about visiting more often, but she supposed that didn't necessarily mean friendship, either. Romance, though? Out of the question.

“I still don't think that will ever be possible.” Claire sighed. “He may be curious about me, but I doubt he'd ever feel anything romantic for someone like me, and it's better that way. I am not a good person for him.”

“You'll never know if you don't try it... at least invite him to your poi show, I think he'd love that.”

Claire sighed. “Yes, fine, I will. Tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

It was a slow day at the clinic, something Anders was grateful for as it allowed him more time to work on his manifesto and other things. He was going over it again when he heard someone come into the clinic. He turned and saw Claire, carrying a lidded bowl with a chunk of bread on top.

“You came back.” He got up to greet her.

“I told you I would, and I thought I should repay you for your hospitality.” She said, setting the bowl on the table.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” He put his hand on her back, but she flinched away, blushing.

“Sorry...” She paused, then started laughing awkwardly. “I need to get better at being sociable. But um, I'm going to be putting on a demonstration, of sorts, tonight, if you want to come.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Of sorts?”

“It's... called sparkle poi.” She shrugged. “I can't really describe it, except that it's like magic.”

“I would love to see it, thank you.” He was intrigued, wondering what she could do that could be like magic.

“I'll let you eat, but I'll be down near the northern elevator, you won't be able to miss it.” For once she looked excited and happy as she took off. He turned his attention to the bowl, taking the lid off and smelling a delicious aroma. He was used to the meager fare they could get, but her stew smelled and looked like something he'd be able to get in Hightown. There were big chunks of meat in it, even, venison by the taste. How had she gotten that?

As he was finishing up, Elodie came bounding in. “Did she tell you?” He looked at the kid, confused.

“Tell me what?” He asked. “Claire invited me to her demonstration, if that's what you mean.” Elodie's expression showed that wasn't what she meant, but she shrugged.

“So we'll see you there then?”

“Of course. Tell me, though, where did she get this?” He pointed at the remaining stew.

“You don't know?” She frowned. “I'd have thought word would have gotten back to you surely. She's changed things around quite a bit, granted it took her a while. She even has a team of hunters, they go out where they can and bring back meat, like boar or deer. As legal as one can get, she insists. Since most folk around here are city folk, she's taught us how to make needles out of bone, or hair sticks that double as weapons, among other things.”

“That might explain why things have quieted down in the clinic.” He was amazed. She was getting them together to create a better community, without relying on coin to do it, and she hadn't even mentioned a word of it to him, instead acting like she was all on her own doing nothing. He needed to get Hawke to see.

“She's talked about you, you know.” Elodie gave him a sly grin. “I don't know where she gets her information, but she knows all about what you do for the mages.”

“Does she now...” Anders wasn't sure how to process that information. “I hope she's not telling everyone.” The last thing he needed was the Templars to hear about his involvement with the mage underground, though considering it was Claire, he was surprised she'd even told Elodie.

“No, she swore me to secrecy, after I pressed her for information. But I figured, it's about you, I can tell you, right?”

“I've never been able to figure out how she feels about mages.” He said.

“She doesn't hate magic, and she certainly likes you well enough.” Elodie started giggling.

“Are you sure you should be telling me this?” He asked. Elodie suddenly grew very serious as she stared intently at him.

“I know it's not my place to tell, and I know I'm just a kid, but I'm more observant than she gives me credit for.” Elodie said. “And I'm tired of her closing herself off from everyone out of fear. She loves you, I know it, and she doesn't think I see her crying because she's so lonely, but she refuses to allow herself to get close to anyone. And she loves magic, I've even caught her helping mages escape the Gallows on a couple occasions. Don't tell her I told you, though, she'd kill me... just... keep it in mind?” She bolted out of the clinic, Anders stared after her in shock, thinking about what she'd said.

Did Claire really love him? It might explain her reaction to him touching her, and her nervousness around him, and her insistence that he stay away. And helping mages? How had he not heard of that? He hadn't thought he could like her more, but finding out she loved magic, helped mages, and possibly loved him...

Hawke came to the clinic with Fenris and Varric in tow, looking grumpier than usual. “So what is this about? You said you wanted to show me something?”

“Yes, Claire is putting on a demonstration that I thought you might like to see.” Anders said, noting that Fenris looked even broodier. “I also wanted to show you what she's been doing down in Darktown. She's changed things quite a bit.”

“I actually know a little bit about that, mostly from other sources.” Varric said. “Been hearing about the strange woman cleaning up the place, I just didn't connect the two.”

“What sort of demonstration is this?” Hawke asked.

“She wouldn't say, just said it's like magic.”

“Well, what're we waiting for?” Varric asked.

 

* * *

 

Just as Claire had said, it was easy to find the area, merely by the number of people standing around. From the murmurs in the crowd, it wasn't the first time she'd put on the show, and it had something to do with fire. The atmosphere in the area was completely different from how Darktown normally was, where instead of anger and despair, there was excitement and some level of happiness, especially from the kids, who no longer looked like they were starving to death. They started cheering as a woman dressed head to toe in black walked into the clearing, carrying two small cages on the ends of chains. She walked over to a torch and lit whatever was in the cages on fire, then a couple children went running around, taking all the torches away so the only source of light was from her.

Another group of kids started beating on some drums in a simple rhythm. Anders watched in amazement as she twirled the fire around, leaving trails of sparks in the air, and since she was so hard to see, it really was like magic. Then she erupted into a ball of flame that fanned out like a fire bird around her, her dancing getting faster. Anders was lost to it, mesmerized, watching her bathe herself in sparks and fire. He almost didn't notice when it was done and the children brought the torches back.

“That was incredible.” Hawke said as he approached Claire. She took her hood off and smiled.

“Thank you. It never fails to impress.” She bowed. A couple children ran up to her and hugged her legs before running off again.

“You've got a real gift there, Sparky.” Varric laughed.

“Sparky? Really?” She shook her head, smiling. “I suppose it's something.”

“Trust me, it could be worse.” Fenris shot a glance at the dwarf, who shrugged. Anders was watching Claire, and noticed she was still guarded, but less than she had been, and it made him glad.

“And so the rumors are true, that you're changing things down here?” Hawke asked.

“Well, sort of.” She drew into herself, looking like she'd rather not talk about it. “I only presented the ideas, everyone else has done the work.”

“That's not true, she goes out and hunts, and she sews, and cleans, and cooks.” Elodie leaned on Claire's shoulder, making the older of the two flinch. So it's not just me, Anders thought.

_Why are you so interested in this mortal?_ Justice didn't seem to trust her much, despite everything they'd learned about her, and didn't understand the growing feelings Anders had for her. There was a lot about mortals the spirit still didn't seem to understand.  
_She risked her life to save me, and she's done so much for the people here, and for mages..._ Anders couldn't really understand it himself, but he didn't see anything wrong with it. She probably wouldn't let him get close enough to do anything about it anyway, but all the things she was doing for the people of Darktown, and all the things he knew about her, only piqued his interest more.

“Sounds like you're probably the best thing to happen to Darktown.” Varric laughed. “You've only been here a few months, let's see where you are in a few years, you'll probably be running the place.” For some reason, she frowned and looked down.

“Yes... I suppose we'll see.” She wasn't planning on leaving, was she? Elodie didn't seem to notice and patted Claire on the back before running off.

“I'm sorry to cut this short, but I need to get going. It was good to see you again.” Hawke said. “No hard feelings about before, I hope...?”

“You mean the torturing?” She grimaced. “I can't rightly say I'll trust you very readily, but I understand why you did it... oh, and Fenris... I'm sorry about what I said in the cave. I had no right to bring that up.” The elf looked surprised, then nodded.

“Thank you.” He said. Hawke waved and put his arm around Fenris' shoulders as he walked out.

Varric looked between Claire and Anders, then asked, “I don't suppose you have any stew left?” Claire smiled and nodded. By his look, Anders got the impression the dwarf was purposefully leaving him alone with Claire.

“Yes, just go down these stairs, the pot's right there. Bowls are to the right.” She turned to face Anders. “You've been awfully quiet...” All her nervousness came back as she retreated into herself.

“Sorry, I was enjoying just seeing you happy for once.” He said. “Though you still seem to have a harder time with that around me. I'm sorry I make you nervous. I can't really blame you, all things considered.”

“Anders...” She sighed. “No... Please don't put that on you. I'm sorry, I don't mean to...” He found he wanted to hold her, to tell her it was all right, but he didn't think she'd react well to it and didn't fancy having a knife shoved in his gut.

“Elodie stopped by today. She said you follow my work.” He said. “Is that how you found out what I am?”

“You mean about Justice?” She sighed again. “I overheard a girl talking about being attacked under the Gallows, where Ser Alrik was...”

“You saw her then?” Anders was surprised. “I know Hawke told her to leave Kirkwall...”

“Sorta...” Claire shrugged. “I just happened to overhear. It didn't make much sense at the time, but her description of you stayed in my mind and I started piecing the puzzle together the more rumors I heard, and then you mentioned it yourself, confirming it...”

“And you don't care?” He asked. “You don't care that I lost control and almost killed an innocent girl?”

“You didn't kill her, you haven't killed me, and you didn't kill that other mage.” She said. “And you've never given me any real reason to fear you. I mean, there is Justice, and yeah, you're intertwined... but he hasn't killed me yet either...”

“How did you learn about the Fog Warriors?” He asked, changing the subject. She looked at him in surprise.

“I know it was just a rumor, but... Fenris matched the description, and I yelled at him, even knowing it might not be accurate... I lost my temper.”

“Yes, but it was accurate.” He said.

“I just hate how he was bashing magic, belittling you and your cause.” She looked away, angry. “I... shouldn't speak on this subject right now. I'm sorry. I should just go.”

“Why shouldn't you speak about it?” He asked. “We need all the help we can get, and the more people who speak out against it, the more likely we will be to change things.”

“Don't.... don't do this.” She said, walking to one of the openings that overlooked the river.

“I don't understand.” He said, following her. “Is it because of your parents? Because of what they expected of you? Because of what the Imperium has done?” She put her head on her arms and started crying. How did he keep making her cry? He cautiously put his arm around her, hugging her, and she leaned into him instead of pulling away for once. “I'm sorry, Claire.”

“I can't blame you.” She said. “It's... who you are. You are the cause of mages, it has consumed you, mind and body. And believe me, I know. I understand the cause. I know what the Templars do, I know how mages are treated, and damn if I don't want to blow the Chantry up...” She suddenly froze and looked at Anders in horror. Knowing she was going to try to run, he held onto her.

“Please don't leave.” He said. “Whatever you say, your secrets are safe with me.” He couldn't believe she could feel that way, that she could feel so strongly for the cause. Why would she hide it?

“I... I'm sorry, please forget I said anything.”

“Why? How can I just forget that a woman who came from Tevinter, who was shunned by mages, can care so deeply for mages herself? I thought you hated mages, and magic.”

“I... I don't...” She gave up trying to get away and put her head back on her arms. “I don't know. I get so confused around you...”

“Is that why you were avoiding me?”

“I don't want to...”

“What do you want?” She stayed silent for so long, Anders started to worry.

“I can't say.” She finally said. “It doesn't matter what I want, anyway. There are some things that are more important than our own wants and desires, more important even than our lives...” She needed a friend, more than anything, so he hugged her again, relishing the feeling of it. He couldn't think of a relationship, not with anyone, but he wanted it... She turned around and hugged him back, tightly, shocking him.

“I'm afraid of getting too close.” She said. “But I do want a friend... I need a friend... I just don't know how. I'm sorry...”

“Don't be sorry.” He murmured. “I won't push. I'm not exactly the safest person to be around, I'm still afraid I'll only hurt you again, but I don't want to lose your friendship.” She stepped back and he let her go.

She looked into his eyes, a sort of melancholy expression on her face. “It's almost not fair. You've seen me at my weakest... when I've not been able to be guarded. You've seen a part of me I've not let anyone else see, and I don't know how I feel about it. You haven't judged me, though.”

“If I were to judge you, my dear, I would be a hypocrite.” He laughed. “And well you know that. You've seen me at my weakest as well. It really is fair.”

“To friendship, then.” She smiled softly and he was surprised at how it made his heart flutter. He wouldn't do anything that would cause her to regret her decision, though, no matter how much he wanted more. He could be content just being there for her, and Justice agreed that it was far better that way. Much less of a distraction.

 

* * *

 

That night, Claire paced up and down an empty hall, trying to sort out her feelings. She could do it. She could be a friend to him. Just be there... talk to him... how had she let it slip about the Chantry? She cursed her stupidity. Well, she couldn't deny her passion for magic anymore... go figure. She thought again about the hug and felt her face get hot at the memory of it, his warm arms around her... _Gah_. She was going to end up like he was in the game... “ _... you've haunted my sleep. I wake aching for you._ ”  
She'd live. She only had a year and a half or so before he was set to blow up the Chantry anyway, and it'd all be triggered by Meredith and Orsino... She'd just have to pay attention, and figure out how close she was going to get involved...


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next year, Claire started spending a lot more time with Anders, and over that time, she noticed him showing more and more affection in small ways, such as a gentle touch, brushing her hair behind her ear when she was working on something, even just a look. She refused to believe he could have fallen for her, it was easier for her to not believe such a thing... but she wanted to. She certainly didn't discourage any of it.

Then one night, after she was done helping him clean up the clinic, she noticed how quiet the place was. Anders came up beside her and put his arm around her, pulling her close, and kissed her lightly on the side of her head. Surprised, she turned and looked him.

“I'm sorry, was that too much...?” He asked. She wasn't sure how to respond, and just continued to stare at him. “Claire...” She was amazed at how distressed he looked and tried to think of anything to say to let him know it was all right.

“I... do you... do you like me?” She asked awkwardly, cringing. He looked away, blinking, as if wondering himself what to say.

“I do.” He said. “And I hope it doesn't bother you, I've tried to hold back... I don't want to scare you off, I cherish your friendship above all else.” Her mouth went dry as she started panicking. What was she supposed to do? She loved him, she couldn't deny it, but could she allow it? It was too late, wasn't it... “Claire, please...” She realized her fear was plainly written on her face and she blushed.

“This... this is a lot to take in.” She said. “I never thought anyone would ever... that anyone could ever love me. I've never allowed myself...” She realized she was starting to babble and stopped, staring at the ground.

“I will stop, if you prefer.” He said, but his voice sounded so sad.

“I love you, Anders.” She blurted out. “I have for a long time, I just... I never thought it possible. I'm still not able to wrap my head around it...” He leaned over and kissed her, pulling her closer, and she let him, relishing in it. Suddenly, fear shot through her, the fear that he'd become like Markus, the fear of him dying, the fear of the future and everything it held, and she yanked back, startled, shaking. She couldn't do it. After so long, and she still couldn't do it.

“What's wrong?” Anders asked, worried. “What did I do?”

“I can't...” She cried. “I can't get into a relationship with anyone, I can't... I'm too afraid.” He cautiously started rubbing her back. “Why did you have to like me... I can never be what you deserve, I can never give you what you want...”

“I want you to be happy.” He said. “Don't beat yourself up over this. We can talk about it.” She looked at him and wiped her eyes, wishing for all the world she was a different person.

“I do love you, more than I've ever loved anyone.” She said. “And I want, more than anything, to be loved by you, but I don't know how to let myself! I'm too broken, Anders. I'm too afraid.”

“I never thought I'd love someone... I thought after Justice, this part of me was over.” He said. “I'm afraid as well, afraid that I'll only hurt you. War is coming, there will be more violence, but I can't stop thinking of you.”

“What is wrong with us?” She asked. “Why can't we just let ourselves be happy for once? Why can't we just let ourselves love, even if it's for a short while before we die sacrificing ourselves to a great cause? We could probably focus better if we just... otherwise, it'll just be a distraction getting between us...”

“We could die tomorrow...”

“Life is never assured.” She stopped him. “I need to stop being so stupid, stop being so afraid.” She wrapped her arms around him and looked into his eyes. He kissed her again, and this time, she didn't pull away but embraced it.

 

* * *

 

Anders rested his cheek against Claire's head, amazed that she'd reciprocated his feelings. He'd been so afraid when she'd guessed, but it had all worked out, and while they hadn't done anything more than just talk after that second kiss, she'd fallen asleep next to him, and was curled up with him, something he wasn't going to take for granted. He was afraid to fall asleep, lest he wake up and find it all a dream. He kept looking at her, relishing it while he could.

He hadn't been planning on letting her know how he felt about her, not with how things were going with the city. He couldn't see it lasting much longer, something was going to break, and then it'd be all over, and he didn't want Claire to get hurt in that. But he'd slipped up, and she'd figured it out anyway, and it ended with surprising results. She seemed happier, lying there, as if she felt secure and safe for once, wrapped in his arms. He wanted to bottle that memory up forever...

 

A sudden grip around his waist woke him with a start and it took him a minute to realize Claire was hugging him. He chuckled and hugged her back, feeling an immense amount of happiness, and like he could do anything with her by his side, though he could tell Justice did not fully approve. The spirit would come around to it, he was certain.

“Good morning.” She said. “This feels... right, if that makes sense. I feel oddly comfortable with you now. Still nervous about some things, but that'll take some time...”

“I never want this to end.” He said, kissing her forehead.

“We can see the end together, at least.” She said. “Whenever that may be. I feel better, knowing that you'll be by my side when it comes.”

“I feel the same.”

 

* * *

 

Things were happening quickly, and Claire knew they didn't have much time left before Anders' plan was to be set in motion. As was expected, he tried to keep it from her, and she had to overhear him talking to Hawke about the potion that would never exist to know it was in the works. Things in Darktown had gotten better and Claire was able to spend more time at the clinic because of all the people pitching in to help others out. It was nice to see so many work together, and seeing those working together had brought more into the community. It wasn't perfect, everyone was still broke and crime was still all over, but it was at least better. She prayed it would last after...

She looked over at Anders, wondering if she should tell him she knew about the potion, or wait. Part of her feared Justice, even though he'd stayed quiet for the most part since. He couldn't claim she was giving in to sloth or allowing mages to be tortured, he could only be frustrated that everything took so long to do. Would she ever tell Anders that his plan was probably the best route? That without it, there would be no telling how many innocent mages would be slaughtered under the Right of Annulment?  
It wasn't until after she'd heard him arguing with Hawke, and seeing Justice come out, telling Hawke to leave, that she decided to approach Anders about it and tell him what she knew. She watched Hawke leave, looking stressed, and walked over to Anders.

“Are you all right, love?” She asked, wrapping her arms around him.

“It's getting harder, the further we go.” He said. “I'm losing myself to him.”

“I wish there was a way to separate you...” She sighed. “A spirit is not meant to inhabit a mortal's body, and it's destroying you both.”

“Is Hawke right?” Anders still had his back to her, but she could feel his doubts. “I know you've been watching, I'm sure you know my plan... Is this the wrong thing to do? I can't stop him...”

“I didn't mention... but earlier... I went to the Gallows.” She said. “I overheard the knight-captain talking to someone else. He said that the grand cleric is duty bound to uphold the Templars, and that it's cruel the way she leads the mages on. He later said that Meredith had called for the Right of Annulment. It's too late, they're going to slaughter all the mages. The time to act is now. The mages need a chance to fight back.” She prayed she wasn't screwing it all up.

“Is this true?” He turned, his eyes wide. “But... why?”

“Meredith has gone insane with paranoia, sees blood mages everywhere.” She said. “Cullen said Ser Alrik's plan would seem a mercy for what is to come. I heard rumors even the Divine is thinking of marching on all of Kirkwall...”

“This is madness!” He said. “I don't know that my plan will do any good... everything seems so dire. Is there truly no hope?”

“I think your plan is the one that will be the best.” She said. “It will force the war that's been brewing for years, and give the mages the best chance they can get. For years they've been making them tranquil, weakening them, but they still have a chance. While there is breath, there is hope. This is war, Anders. We cannot back down. We cannot hesitate.” Well, there went her inner extremist. He suddenly grabbed her in a hug.

“You don't know how good it's been to have someone like you at my side.” He murmured. “If we die, know that I have been proud to know you, and to love you.”

“And I am very glad to have gotten to know you as well.” She kissed him. “Whatever happens, I will always love you. Never forget. And please, do not leave me out. Bring me with you.”

“How? How can I risk your life?”

“I'll be fine, trust me.” She smiled at him. “I need to make sure you'll be fine too. Even if...”

“Even if I die?”

“Yes.”

 

* * *

 

The following night, Varric came barging into the clinic, looking overly pleased with himself. He made a beeline for Claire, and she started feeling nervous. What could he possibly want with her?

“Hey Sparky, so I did a little digging into your past and –”

“No.” She cut him off, refusing to even think about what the dwarf had managed to dig up on her. She wasn't from that world, anything he had found had to be fake.

“What, that's it? You don't even want to know what I found?” He seemed hurt, but she was determined to not hear it. “You don't want to know about your real family?” She stared at him, unable to process the information. Real family?

“My family is dead, there's nothing to know.” She snapped. She felt Anders come up behind her and she leaned into him.

“Oh, but that's the kicker!” The dwarf grinned. “They're not! I found them.” She couldn't process it. She couldn't do anything. She couldn't respond, or move, or think. She was frozen with the thought that this dwarf had gone out of his way to find a family that matched her description of her real life family, and he'd found them, and they were expecting their daughter to still be alive...

“Claire, are you all right?” Anders asked, rubbing her shoulders.

“You're lying.” She said, staring at Varric. “It's impossible. I saw them die.”

“That's where it really gets interesting.” He said. “See, the people you thought were your parents, were really not. They'd kidnapped you when you were a baby! Your real parents are still alive and they really want to meet you!”

“No.” She turned and walked quickly to the back of the clinic, refusing to comprehend what he'd done, or thought he'd done. It was a lie. It was all just a lie.

“I thought she'd be happy.” She heard Varric say. “I thought she'd at least say something more than just 'no.'”

“You can't possibly expect her to suddenly accept everything she knew as a lie.” Anders said. “She's been through so much, how can she just accept your word that she has parents who actually want to meet her, alive and well?” _Especially now of all times? Thank you Anders, but I suppose I should meet them, if only to warn them to get out._ She turned and marched back to Varric.

“I don't know what game you're playing, or why you want to lie to me like this.” She snapped. “But if you've managed to convince two people that their daughter is somehow alive and well, and have put me up as her, you're going to have a lot to explain to them. I do not take being toyed with lightly!” Varric backed up a little, his hands up in surrender.

“Hey, all right, but I'm not lying, I swear.” He said.

“You have to be!” She yelled. “I have no family! It's impossible! Absolutely impossible!”

 

* * *

 

Anders was convinced that if she had been a mage, Claire would have set them all on fire in her rage. Varric had chosen the worst possible time to drop such a bombshell on the woman, and Anders wasn't sure how she was not going to kill the dwarf over it.

“Love...” He stepped between her and Varric, taking her by the shoulders. “What makes you so certain he's lying?” She blinked back angry tears and looked between him and Varric, trying to say something.

“He has to be!” She finally said. “It can't be true. It just... it can't.”

“Look, I've done all the digging I can to make sure I had the right girl.” Varric said. “I trust my sources, they have no reason to lie, no one is getting anything out of this except for you and your parents. They thought you were dead, Sparky. They'd managed to track you until you were sixteen or so, but there was a man who got in their way and he produced a body and everything. Granted he ended up dead like a month later himself... I think they said his name was Markus.” Varric shrugged.

“Now I know you're lying.” Claire snapped. “There is absolutely no way. No way.”

“But that fits with what you've told me.” Anders said.

“It can't be true!” She broke down sobbing, clinging tightly to Anders as he hugged her tightly. _Confounded dwarf!_ He cursed to himself, wishing he could ease Claire's pain.

“If I'd known her reaction would be this bad, I would have left it alone...” Varric muttered. “I'm sorry, Sparky, I had no idea.”

“Would it be so bad to at least speak with them?” Anders asked. She had a chance at gaining a family, he didn't want anything to jeopardize it. What he would give... Then he realized what she was probably thinking, that they needed to get out of the city. The time had come to act, they needed to leave, especially if they were mages themselves.

“I just... I can't...” Claire stopped and took a few deep breaths before continuing. “I just can't believe it. I can't... but, I suppose I can meet with them, since they've come all this way.”

“Yeah, surprisingly enough, they've come all the way from Vyrantium.” Varric said. “Your father's name is Liberius, and your mother's name is Iustina.”

“Liberty and Justice...” Claire seemed disturbed by their names, and Anders was a little, by the idea that her mother's name meant Justice... but the naming fit, with her name meaning clear victory.

“And yes, of course I told them to meet us in the Hanged Man. They have a room there, and I've talked to them at length, and let me tell you, there is a strong family resemblance.”

“Impossible...” Claire didn't sound much like she believed it impossible anymore.

“Come on, let's go.” Anders said.

 

* * *

 

Claire sat in shock, staring at the table in front of her, with Anders beside her. Her world had been turned upside down, and she was waiting for the people everyone was convinced were her real parents. But it was impossible. Claire wasn't even from Thedas, how could her fabrication mixed with reality become a Thedas reality? None of it made any sense. Their real daughter had to have been killed and she was just an impostor. How the hell had there managed to be another Claire Victoria with the same story as her though? She'd only told Anders! Surely he hadn't told anyone else, but how else...? A somniari?

But if that was the case, then why her? She had nothing to offer anyone. She had no great gifts or talents, and they were about to blow up the Chantry and either be killed for it, or be made fugitives.

“Claire?” A feminine voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up, right into the eyes of a woman who looked so much like herself, Claire almost knocked the bench over standing up. It was impossible. This woman looked more like her than her own mother had.

“I don't believe it...” Claire choked.

“Varric was right, the resemblance is undeniable.” Anders said. “I'm Anders.” The woman was still staring at Claire as she nodded. The man shook Anders' hand.

“My name is Liberius, and this is my wife, Iustina.” The man said. Even he shared a strong resemblance to Claire.

“I can't believe it.” Iustina said. “All these years... we thought you were dead. We looked for you everywhere... Markus said you were dead...”

“From what I've heard about this Markus, he was a lying abusing piece of shit.” Anders said. “Pardon my language.”

Iustina turned to her husband, her face angry, and began speaking Tevene. “ _This must be some trick they've put us up against!_ ” Claire never thought her Latin lessons would ever come in handy.

“ _I was going to accuse you of the same._ ” She said, watching the couple suspiciously. “I have gone long enough thinking I had no family...” They stared at her in shock.

“ _You speak Tevene!_ ” Iustina gasped.

“ _Does this confirm her for you, my dear?_ ” Liberius asked, almost smiling in relief. “ _I cannot have doubts now, there are too many coincidences._ ”

“ _It doesn't make sense_.” Claire said. “ _I still doubt. I still cannot wrap my head around having a family... alive..._ ”

“We are here for you.” Iustina said, switching back to common.

“Are you both mages?” Claire asked.

They looked a little uncomfortable, but nodded. “Yes, though not magisters.”

“Do you care that I am not?” Claire pressed.

Iustina shook her head. “I don't care at all!” She exclaimed. “Just to see you... just to have you back...” It was impossible, Claire couldn't be her daughter, but the woman was just so happy to have a daughter, what could Claire say?

“This... this is going to take some time...” She said. “I keep feeling like your real daughter is going to come out and accuse me of being an impostor.”

Liberius laughed. “Impossible. You are our real daughter.” Anders gave her a squeeze, then pushed her towards her new family.

“You should probably have some time alone.” He said. “I'll be waiting here.” She looked at him, pleading, but her new parents beamed.

“Our room is just up there.” Iustina said. Anxiety eating away at her, Claire followed them to the room, where the door shutting, locking her in, made her feel like they were going to sacrifice her.

“This... this is possibly the worst time for you to come to Kirkwall.” Claire blurted out. “The city is about to blow, if you can't feel the tension. You need to leave, please. In the morning.”

“But we only just got here.” Liberius said. “What do you mean?”

“If we leave, won't you come with us?” Iustina asked.

“I can't leave.” Claire said. “There's too much at stake. I have to help save the mages here. The knight-commander means to slaughter them all, it's going to be open war soon, and I've heard rumors the Divine herself is contemplating an exalted march on Kirkwall.” The couple looked at each other with such looks of horror, Claire wondered if it had been wise to warn them.

“I had not realized things had gotten so dire.” Liberius said. “If you want us to stay, to help...”

“This isn't your fight.” Claire said quickly. “I don't want to see you dragged into it... I only... I only just got to meet you, I don't want to chance losing you so soon...”

“But if you stay...” Iustina put her hand on Claire's shoulder. “I don't want to lose my daughter again.”

“Even for a noble cause?” Claire tried to smile. “I'll stay out of the fighting, but I won't abandon my friends. I don't go back on my promises, and I swore I would stand by them. I help run a clinic in Darktown, when the fighting starts, it'll get busy... when things start to calm again, if you're not too far away, maybe you can come visit.”

“I would like that.” Iustina said, smiling herself. “I'm a spirit healer, so perhaps I can help.”

“That's what Anders is.” Claire said, feeling better about everything.

“Then it's all the more fitting you should have chosen him for a partner.” Liberius laughed. “Perhaps your children can share it as well.”

“I wouldn't exactly say I chose him.” Claire shook her head, grinning. “More like the Maker himself shoved us together forcibly until we got the hint.”

“That sounds like a story.” Iustina said.

“Well, we have some time...”

 

* * *

 

Claire was silent as they walked back to Darktown, and it was worrying Anders. She had seemed happy when she said goodbye to her parents, but then her mood darkened.

“Everything all right?” He finally asked as they walked into the clinic. It was strangely empty and quiet.

“Considering what's going to happen tomorrow?” She shook her head. “Of all the nights to find out there was a family looking for me... for me! And they're mages, and they don't care I'm not a mage, and she's a spirit healer like you, and it's just... we could die tomorrow, but I suppose, at least I'll know...”

“You should stay away.” Anders said. “Don't come with me. You have a family now, you need to be with them.”

“You're my family too!” She turned and stood in front of him. “I promised I would stay by your side, I will not break it. I will be with you, before anything else, you are my life. I cannot let you face this alone.” He suddenly kissed her, overcome with love for her, and he felt her return it. Somehow they managed to stumble into the back before falling in a tangled heap on the bed.

 

* * *

 

They were there. They were finally there. The ashes rained down on them, smoke filled the air along with the screams of people as they ran around in a panic. Anders sat on a box, the bodies of the Templars lying to the side, still bleeding out, with the Champion staring down at the healer in frustration.

Anders put his head in his hands. “There isn't anything you can say that I haven't already said to myself. Vengeance... took me over. I couldn't stop him. Justice once told me that demons are just spirits perverted by their desires. I made my friend a demon. And he did this. Kill me now before there is nothing left of me.”

“I know you would have changed it if you could.” Hawke said, surprising Claire. The way the Champion had reacted, she'd expected a worse response. Especially since Anders had lied to him, and used him, to achieve something so violent.

“But I have proven I cannot.” Anders said. “If I couldn't control Vengeance now, I never will. I need to die.”

“I understand.” Hawke said, looking up at Claire. “It is the only way, isn't it?” Claire wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to lose Anders, but he was being lost, to Vengeance, to a tortured existence. She stared at Hawke, shaking her head, then fell to her knees in front of Anders and grabbed his hands in hers.

“I love you.” She choked. “I don't want to lose you...” He kissed her, and she felt his body stiffen in pain as Hawke stabbed him. She started shaking so hard, she had a hard time helping him lie down, tears pouring down her face. All she could do was grip him and cry, harder than she'd ever cried before.

 

* * *

 

Hawke looked down at the woman, and wondered if he should kill her as well, out of pity, when Varric broke through his thoughts, saying they'd better get to the Gallows. Fenris looked at Hawke, concerned, and Hawke shook his head. He put his arm around the elf as they walked, hoping the same fate didn't happen to either of them. He knew the pain of losing those closest to him, and he felt the pain the woman was in... everything she'd been through, only to lose the one person who loved her back. It would kill him to lose Fenris...

 

* * *

 

Claire felt Anders move under her and sat up in shock. He was breathing, his heart was beating, though faintly, but she wasn't sure how. He'd been dead, she'd been sure of it. She looked at his back, and saw the blood, but the wound was mostly healed.

“Anders, can you hear me?” Her voice came out a squeak. She couldn't lose him. “Come on, you can make it, please.” Could she carry him? She positioned herself the best way and picked him up in a fireman's carry, hoping she could make it to Darktown.

 

Anders wasn't doing well, but he was alive. She had him in the back room, where he'd kept her hidden away, and prayed he'd make a full recovery. But what kind would it be? Would he be more Justice than Anders? She couldn't let him die... He shivered, his head covered in sweat. His heart was racing and his breathing shallow, but he didn't seem to have an infection that she could see.

“Come on, Anders, you're a healer... heal yourself, please!” She went into his room and looked around for any lyrium potions lying about. As she looked in a crate, she saw a small box at the bottom. She opened it up and smiled sadly. There were her necklaces that she'd missed so much, along with what she assumed was a Tevinter Chantry amulet, by the look of it. She put her necklaces back on, enjoying the comforting weight of them, and continued looking for the potions.

After scouring the entire clinic, she'd come up with a small lyrium potion and two highly concentrated elfroot potions that she figured could help him out, if she could get him conscious enough to drink them. She sat by his bedside, trying to get him to wake up, even just a little.

“Anders... please, love, please.” She heard a sound in the clinic and pressed an elfroot potion in his hand, just in case, before hurrying out to see what was going on. An older gentleman and someone Claire assumed was his daughter or even granddaughter, had come in, with various cuts.

“Can I help you?” Claire asked.

“We've come to see the healer.” Claire blinked back tears and shook her head.

“He's gone... he... didn't make it.” She said. “I'm all there is.” The woman's face fell and looked worriedly to the man.

“My uncle is wounded, and I can't do anything for him...” Claire motioned for him to lie down so she could see the injury, which was in his abdomen. “He got hit by some debris, from when...”

“I'll do what I can.” Claire hurried around the clinic, gathering what she could, hoping she could remember everything she'd learned. “I think he'll be all right so long as we can avoid infection.” She poured some alcohol on the wound, making him hiss in pain, then began cleaning him up.

Once he was stitched and bandaged, she told the niece to make sure the bandages were changed daily, and to come back if there were any more complications. She was just about to head to the back to check on Anders when a few more people came in, and then more. She was kept busy all night, and she figured with how bad the city was, it wasn't going to let up.

She noticed the sun rising, despite her never having gotten sleep, and wondered if she could sneak off to the back and let things go. There were a few other people who had medical knowledge helping out, so she didn't think it would be too bad. She went to go speak to one, to let them know, when she saw Hawke walk in with Varric and Fenris. Why? Why were they there? Frustration and fear and the inability to deal with it started bubbling to the surface.

“Claire!” Hawke called to her and she had to acknowledge them.

“Hawke...” She sighed. “I've not slept at all, it's been too busy, I've not been able to even think, or eat or...” She stopped, realizing she was about to break down again, and stared at the ground, blinking back the tears. “I'm sorry, you've been busy yourself...” The Champion grabbed her in a hug, and at first, she was just in shock, then burst out crying, hugging him back.

“I'm sorry, Sparky.” Varric said, as she started to calm down a little. “If you need anything, you know where you can find me.”

“I am also sorry.” Fenris said. “The pain you must be feeling...” She would take that from him, it was more than she had ever expected, considering how he felt about Anders. He didn't hate him... but he considered him a danger, and that danger was now gone, to him.

“I know we never really got to know each other that well, but if you need to talk...” Hawke's cheeks were wet with tears as well.

“Thank you.” She said. “Same for you all. There's... a lot to clean up, but I need sleep or...” She stopped. “I'm sorry. I just keep thinking he's still...”

“It's going to take years to get past that.” Hawke said. “For what it's worth, I regret it. I regret it so much.” He tried to force himself to not cry, and Fenris wrapped his arms protectively around Hawke.

“I'm not sure what would have happened if you hadn't...” Claire wiped her own eyes. “Towards the end, he was so depressed. He was losing himself, I was losing him already.” She had a sudden thought, and looked at Hawke. “Please... could I... could I speak to you privately? Just for a minute?”

Hawke glanced at Fenris, then back at Claire and nodded. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Claire led Hawke to the very back and opened the door. Hawke stopped short at the door, staring in horror at what was on the bed.

“What is this?” Hawke asked, suspicious. Claire hurried to Anders' side.

“He's not dead...” She said, starting to cry again. “I don't know if he's going to live, or what kind of life he'll have, but I can't just kill him. I don't want to lose him, and what if he's alive for a reason? I don't want to tell anyone, because what if he does die anyway? Then there'd be hope for no reason... but I thought, with what you said, you deserved to know.” Hawke wasn't sure how to process it. The man he thought he'd killed, still alive?

He slowly walked over to him, and could see the sweat on his brow. It might be more of a mercy to kill him, and ensure his death, but he couldn't do that again. Even as much as the mage had hurt him and the city by blowing the Chantry up, he still cared for his friend and doing it the first time felt like the worst decision he'd ever made. But he'd done it for others, for Bethany, for Wesley, when they were beyond hope, and Anders had begged him.

“Why is he so bad off?” Hawke asked.

“I don't know... the wound is fine, he's not infected, there's no logical explanation.” She gripped the healer's hand, caressing it. “He did die. I felt him, I felt his heart stop, his breathing... but then he started again, and his wound started healing...”

“Will you let me know if anything changes?” He asked. “I... may need to leave town, but Varric will know how to find me.”

“I will.” She said. “Am I... am I foolish for hoping?”

“If you are, then so am I. Thank you for telling me... it means a lot.” He walked out of the door, shutting it behind him, and went back to Varric and Fenris.

“Everything all right?” Varric asked as they left.

“I'm not sure.” Hawke replied.

“What do you mean?” Fenris asked. “What did she want to talk about?”

“Anders... isn't quite dead.” Hawke cringed as he felt Fenris' grip tighten. “He did die, she said, we all saw him... but he came back.”

“It's probably that spirit.” Fenris growled.

“I'm not sure, he's in pretty bad shape, he hasn't regained consciousness yet.” Hawke said. “He may still die, but I'm not going to kill him again, unless he proves himself to still be a danger. Claire said she'd keep me updated, through you, Varric, since...” He sighed. “I should go home and pack. The sooner we leave, the better I'll feel.”

 

* * *

 

For the next few days, Claire was afraid to leave the clinic. People who had heard about what had happened came to her with food now and then, and she thanked them profusely, but when she could, she hid in the back with Anders. His condition started to improve, but he'd also started having nightmares, or at least that's what she assumed them to be, and she didn't want to be away from him for very long.

She laid on top of him, continuing to wish he would regain consciousness, as he started moaning again.

“Anders, it's all right, I'm here.” She murmured, hoping he could hear. He lifted his hand, shaking, and she took it in hers, and he gripped her tightly. “We'll get through this, love. Please come back to me.” He seemed to calm down and fall asleep again, and she sighed. It would be a long road, if he was able to pull through. She needed him to eat and drink more...

 

* * *

 

There was darkness all around him, chaos, swirling, mixed with pain and agony. Over and over again he felt the knife plunge into his back, losing the sweet lips he'd just kissed. He was in the Void, he had to be... There'd been a flash of blue light, blinding him, after he'd died, before he'd been trapped in the nightmare of chaos, and every so often, he thought he could hear Claire's voice, calling to him from beyond, but there was no hope. He was dead, his time was over, and she needed to move on. But she didn't, and her voice seemed to get louder, and he started feeling sick and shaking, as the darkness faded in and out.

He was dead. What trickery was it that he was starting to feel his body again? All the pain, the loneliness, despair, smothering him... was it a lie? Was he still alive? Everything was still so foggy and he had no control. So much shaking, so cold... but then there was a warmth that covered him, a weight that seemed to chase the nightmares away, letting him float in blissful darkness, in peace...

Peace.

Did he even deserve peace? Claire had encouraged him, assured him it was the best path, but surely she'd done that to make him feel better because there was nothing he could do to stop Vengeance. He was just a monster...

Justice.

Where was Justice? There was an emptiness, cold and aching, where he should have been. Was Justice finally free? It was how it should be... None of that had turned out the way he'd imagined it would.

The shaking started coming back, but there was nothing to stop it. He felt so nauseous and cold, and he could feel his body even more, finally convincing him that he wasn't dead after all, but his control was lacking. He tried to open his eyes, but his lids felt too heavy and he gave up. Why was he alive? What had happened that he could have survived, and why did he feel so horrible? He slowly slipped back into the darkness.

The next time the darkness receded, he felt like he had been thrown into a cold bath, the shock of reality around him was strong, no longer dulled by the fog. Each sound was sharp and loud, the smells made him want to throw up, and still he was cold. He struggled to move his hands, to find a blanket, but he had a hard time gripping the blankets that were already on him. Where was Claire?

He tried to open his eyes again, thankful the room was dim. It still stung, and everything was blurry, but it was progress. He had no mana to speak of, and he still couldn't figure out what was wrong, but he was alive, and he was getting better. Would Hawke come back and try to kill him? What happened to Justice? No one would forgive him for what he'd done... Why hadn't they made sure he was dead? Why did she save him? He should be dead.

There was a noise at the door, startling him, and a gasp. “Anders!” Claire's voice was loud and painful, and she seemed to understand, as she lowered her voice. “You're awake!”

“Why...?” His voice was raspy and hoarse.

“I don't know, but I'm not going to question a gift from the Maker.” She laid down on him, warming him, calming the shaking. “You were dead, but then you came back. I don't know how, I don't know why, but there has to be a reason.”

“Justice is... gone.” She didn't reply, just gently kissed his cheek, laying her head next to his. “I should have died.”

“I love you, Anders.” She said. “And you didn't die, you don't need to feel like you should have. Hawke's been in to see you, he regretted what he did, and was glad to see he failed.”

“Hawke?” He had a hard time believing it. “But, he did what I asked.”

“As he did for others... but you're his friend, yes, even after what you did. He still cares about you, and he's worried. As am I. Your reaction doesn't make sense... you shouldn't be sick.” What could he tell her? He didn't know either.

“I wish I had an answer.”

“My parents came back today.” Claire said. “They're helping in the clinic. It's still weird to think I have parents... My mom... she doesn't know what's wrong either, but we'll get you better. I'll help you through this.”

“I do not deserve your love...” He murmured, feeling the pull to sleep again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit weird, in my opinion, but eh, it explains everything I was thinking of for her, for her family and all.

Rumors that the Inquisition's spies had been seen in the area made Claire decide they needed to leave. They were too close to Skyhold anyway, and she didn't want to chance them finding Anders. He wasn't doing as well as she liked, dealing with the false Calling, though their daughter helped brighten his life, and the thought of the Inquisition discovering the man who blew up the Kirkwall Chantry scared her. She feared they wouldn't listen to reason, even though they sided with the mages in Redcliffe, even though the Inquisitor was a mage herself.

Unfortunately, as they made their way to the outskirts of the Hinterlands, Claire's fears were realized, when a couple scouts confronted them.

“Anders, Grey Warden, and apostate?” One said, standing in front of the mage.

“What do you want?” Claire asked. Anders' expression was one of a man already defeated. “He's not the same man.”

“Sure looks the same to me.” The other scout said. “The Inquisitor would like to have a few words with you.”

“It'll be all right, Claire.” Anders said.

“No it won't.” She snapped. “They want to hold you on charges for things you didn't do!” The scouts shared a look, and one shrugged.

“Come with us to the camp at least.” One scout said. Claire felt her little Elanor's hand grip hers and she gave the toddler a reassuring squeeze.

“Just so long as you promise no harm will come to my family.” She knew they couldn't promise it, but they did anyway, and she begrudgingly followed them to their camp, where the Inquisitor was waiting, with the Iron Bull, Solas, and Cassandra. Seeing the Seeker there sent chills through Claire's body and she prayed the woman wouldn't straight out attack Anders.

Instead, with a flick of her wrist, the Inquisitor had Claire and Anders both clapped in irons, binding even her elbows to further prevent her from escaping. Elanor clung tightly to Claire's legs.

“I'm surprised you came so willingly.” The Inquisitor said. “My name is Evelyn, and I have it under good authority that you two are the ones responsible for the Kirkwall disaster.”

“The only ones responsible for that disaster have died.” Claire snapped. “Justice, Meredith, Elthina...”

“We'll talk more when we get back to Skyhold and put you through a proper trial.” Evelyn said. “But this day has long been coming.”

“Just so long as it is a fair and just trial.” Claire said. She quickly looked over at Anders. “Are you going to be all right, love?”

“You worry too much.” He said, leaning over to kiss her before they separated them.

 

* * *

 

The trip to Skyhold wasn't very long, but Elanor was worried about her parents, and Claire tried to reassure the toddler, but there wasn't much she could say, especially when someone came and whisked the child away, without letting her say goodbye. Then Bull pulled Claire away from Anders, as he was being taken to the main hall.

“No, wait! Let me go with him!” She cried. She fought the qunari, but he was far stronger than her.

“Don't worry, he'll be fine.”

“But he's not fine!” She yelled. “He's never been fine! Not since they hauled him off in chains as a child and punished him just for existing!”

“Isn't he the one who blew up a Chantry?” Bull said.

“He was possessed at the time, but he's not anymore, anyone can tell.” She saw the cells as they walked down the stairs.

“He still did it.”

“Vengeance took him over! He couldn't stop it, and neither could Hawke.” She was starting to have a full blown panic attack, and it felt like her heart was going to explode. “Please, you have to make sure they don't hurt him! Please! He's not well! If anyone should be accountable it should be me, because I didn't stop him, I told him it was the best course of action, because the knight-commander had already called for the Right of Annulment, she was already going to slaughter all the mages, and the Divine was planning to march on Kirkwall, and everyone in the city would have been slaughtered, it seemed like the only option to save the most lives!”

He looked at her with a curious expression. “Perhaps they should hear this...”

 

* * *

 

Anders stood in front of the throne as a crowd started gathering around him, with the Inquisitor watching him. He recognized the knight-captain from Kirkwall, originally from Kinloch hold, though they hadn't seen much of each other there, with Cullen being a fresh new Templar while Anders had been in solitary confinement before Uldred went insane. Varric stood off to the side, looking with pity at Anders, but what could Anders say? He knew the day would come when he'd be found. Perhaps if they had stayed with Claire's parents, but neither he nor Claire had wanted to risk putting them in danger. They should have sent Elanor to live with them, however.

“The prisoner before you has been brought up on the following charges; violent destruction of a Chantry, the murder of Grand Cleric Elthina, and those within the Chantry and surrounding area, apostasy, and possession.”

“How do you plead?” The Inquisitor asked. What could he say? It was his hand that caused those things to happen, even if he had tried to stop it.

“Not guilty!” A cry came from the door and Anders turned to see Claire being brought in.

“What's the meaning of this?” Evelyn asked. “I thought she was going to be interrogated.”

“She was more than willing to speak.” Bull said. “And I thought what she had to say might affect the trial, especially since she confessed to encouraging the spirit to blow up the Chantry.” Anders looked at her in horror, wondering what she was playing at.

“Is this true?” Evelyn asked Claire.

“The city was doomed to begin with.” Claire said, stepping forward. “You all knew it, Commander, Seeker, Sister... You all knew. The knight-commander had already called for the Right of Annulment, she was going to slaughter the mages without giving them a chance to defend themselves because she was too corrupted. I overheard someone say that what was coming would make what Ser Alrik proposed a mercy... a Templar who so abused his power, making any mage he wanted tranquil, and everyone knew! And that would be a mercy?” Claire was getting worked up, tears streaming down her face.

“The Grand Cleric knew!” She continued. “Meredith knew! And they allowed him to make mages tranquil, well past their harrowing, which is against Chantry law, and he would rape them over and over again, and abuse them horrifically, and it was allowed! Excused! Everyone looked the other way! And then the Divine herself contemplated crushing Kirkwall to the ground, and no one listened to us. No one cared! And now you want to blame it all on Anders, a man who tried to the best of his ability to prevent a war that everyone else was so bent on starting.

“Are you going to ignore the people who worked hard to break from the Circle, like the Libertarians or the Resolutionists? Are you going to ignore the decades of war that's been brewing to conveniently place all the fucking blame on this one man, who is no longer even possessed by the spirit who forced his hand in the first place? He tried to stop him, but he couldn't. And Elthina continued to lead the mages on, letting them think she was neutral when she backed the Templars and the Chantry all the way, and all their abuses.” Anders was impressed they let her speak, though he had little hope it would move them to pardon him, and would only punish her.

“I do know you!” A cheerful tenor voice rang out from the back. Claire turned and watched the man walking towards them.

“Dorian...?” Claire frowned.

“Ah, you remember me as well, good.” Dorian grinned. “Though I must say it's been some time!”

“This ought to be good...” The Inquisitor mumbled.

“You were just a child...” Claire seemed confused. “How do you remember me?”

“You used that same kind of speech on your parents concerning the slaves.” He said. “It left a bit of an impression on me.”

“I... admit, I've... blocked a lot of that time out of my memories...”

“Not enough to not recognize me, apparently.”

“Who could forget someone like you?” She grinned back. Anders felt a flare of jealousy rise up, but then felt shame at doubting Claire's affections for him.

“We're in the middle of a trial here, Dorian.” The Inquisitor sounded a little irritated, yet amused. “Are you testifying on behalf of this woman's character?”

“It would appear so.” He said. “Since it seems she has hardly changed in the years since we last saw each other.” Claire still looked bewildered, but said nothing.

“Commander Cullen, is what the woman said true, that the knight-commander was going to invoke the Right of Annulment prior to the Chantry explosion?”

Cullen looked down, and nodded. “Yes, Inquisitor. She had called for it, convinced that there were too many blood mages to deal with otherwise.”

“Leliana?” Evelyn looked towards the spy master. “Was the Divine really going to march on Kirkwall?”

“It was a possibility, yes.” Leliana said. “I was sent into the city to see how bad it had gotten, and based on my report, she would have made her decision, probably to march, had the Chantry not been destroyed.”

“She would have considered the entire city a threat?”

“Tell the Inquisitor how the Divine wanted Elthina to leave the city, even.” Claire said. “How the whole world was watching Kirkwall, how it was the worst threat to Thedas since the qunari invaded.”

“How is it that you know all this?” Leliana asked, suddenly angry and suspicious. “That was information only given to a few.”

“I told her.” Hawke spoke up from a dark corner. “And why not? You come in, tell me the Divine is going to destroy my city and that I needed to get the grand cleric out, and you expect me to not mention it to anyone?” Anders felt so much relief at seeing Hawke, knowing people still took him seriously. “My friends needed to know, and from everything I've seen, even though I disagreed with them at first, I believe Claire is right, that it was the only course of action that could save the most lives. The war was inevitable, Inquisitor. We were all doomed from the start.”

The Inquisitor sighed and put her hand to her head. “It's done and over with, the spirit is gone... we might as well just put these two to use helping us here as reparation. You're a healer, right?” Anders nodded. “Then you can help out in the infirmary. Maker knows we need it. If anyone needs me, I'll be drowning in a hot tub somewhere quiet...” The Inquisitor hurried off while the guards went to unlock the shackles from Claire and Anders. As Anders was about to hug Claire in relief, Dorian grabbed her first.

“Always good to know you survived.” He said. “After what happened with the rest of your family...”

“Turns out they weren't her real parents after all.” Anders said, putting his arm around Claire's shoulders, prompting Dorian to raise an eyebrow and smirk.

“Well, that raises some interesting questions, doesn't it?” He said. “And don't worry, my dear mage, your woman is perfectly safe with me. You, on the other hand...”

“Hey, keep your hands off him, he's mine.” Claire said, sticking her tongue out like a child.

“I can't believe you're still getting into trouble.” Hawke said, shaking his head. “I'm still having to bail you out, after all this time.”

“Hawke, Maker it's good to see you.” Anders was quick to embrace him, and he saw Dorian give him a look.

“Don't even, Dorian...” Claire muttered. “You'll never be able to compete with Hawke.”

“I've been getting your letters.” Hawke said, ignoring Claire. “Where's Elanor? I haven't seen her in a year at least.”

“I'm not sure where they took her.” Claire said.

“But it sounds like we'll be staying a while, so I'm sure you'll see her quite a bit.”

“You have a daughter?” Dorian asked. “My, time has flown indeed.”

“I'm thinking about sending her to stay with my parents, for safety reasons.” Claire said. “I can't imagine it would be very safe here for her.”

“She can hang out with Morrigan's little boy.” Dorian said. “They're usually in the garden.”

 

* * *

 

Anders wasn't comfortable meeting others to talk about the love of his life, but they had noticed her strange behaviors and knowledge, and he figured it would be better if he told them than have them dig around themselves.

“So you've noticed it too, how she seems to know things she shouldn't?” Hawke said, looking at Varric, Dorian, and Solas. “Things that should be impossible to know?”

“I noticed it back in Kirkwall, but I tried to ignore it.” Anders said. “The first time I tried to talk about it with her, she grew depressed and walled herself off. I'd rather not put her through that again if possible. But... I should let you know that her parents have spoken to me about her... special circumstances. She's a twin. She's not Claire, she's Victoria. Claire really did die at the hands of a man named Markus seventeen years ago.” The others stared at Anders, trying to understand what he'd just said.

“She seems to believe she's Claire well enough.” Hawke said.

“If she's not Claire, where has she been all these years?” Dorian asked.

“That is something that her parents have been trying to figure out since they discovered her still alive.” Anders sighed. He had wanted to tell Claire first, but he had no idea how. “When Claire and Victoria were two, they were kidnapped, but through some strange ritual, one of the girls was... pulled into the Fade.”

“So, the woman you've been living with for the past five years, who you've had a child with, spent Maker knows how long trapped in the Fade?” Varric asked.

“Surely that can't be possible.” Dorian said. “But perhaps she was sent somewhere else.”

“But how would that account for her uncanny knowledge?”

“It is possible that whatever happened to her in the Fade gave her an ability to read others.” Solas mused.

“No, it's more than that.” Hawke said. “She's flat out told the future, though I don't think she realized it at the time. Her accuracy was disturbing, and I never did tell her about the Divine marching on Kirkwall, but she quoted Leliana verbatim.”

“She also knows more about me than she lets on.” Anders said. “Things I've not told her. Her parents believe that wherever she was, she was still connected to Claire, and that's how she knows so much about her life here, and perhaps why she believes she is Claire.”

“So she may not even know where she was?” Varric frowned. “If she doesn't even know who she is...”

“Perhaps I can help with that.” Solas said. “Though it would require me to enter the Fade with her, and she does not trust me.”

“Oh, she pick something up from you maybe?” Varric laughed. The elf glared at him.

“It's worth a shot, I suppose.” Anders said.

“I will approach her about it later today.” Solas said. “I'm certain she has her own questions she wants answered, perhaps a deal can be made.”

 

* * *

 

“Glad to see someone else doesn't trust him either.” Dorian said, settling down on the balcony overlooking the area Claire was.

“We won't be able to follow him into the Fade with her, though.” Anders sighed. “I admit I'm a bit worried he might cause damage to her...” Solas came walking out, unaware he was being watched, and approached Claire, who was visibly uncomfortable around him.

“I know you don't trust me, but I was wondering if you might answer some questions.” The elf said.

“That depends on the questions.” Claire said.

“You know where you were for most of your life, don't you?” He asked. “I don't mean what you've told everyone, but where you truly were.”

“Stay away from me, Fen'Harel.” Claire snapped, stepping back. “You keep your secrets, I'll keep mine.”

“Fen'Harel?” Dorian whispered. “The Dalish god?”

“You mean you'll keep both our secrets.” Solas wasn't looking happy. “I knew you knew more than you were letting on, but how much do you really know?”

“I know enough...”

“And how do you know?” He asked, but she remained silent. “You know I can squeeze the answers from you. You have no power.”

“I'm not a threat to you!” Claire cried, panicking. Anders wanted to jump down there and stop him, but Dorian shook his head.

“He wouldn't dare.” Dorian growled.

“You know that, why would you threaten me?” Claire continued. “You're a dreamer, a somniari, you can do whatever you want in the Fade... it's practically your home, the one you created, the one you want to destroy, and I'm not going to stop you. I couldn't anyway. I just want to live my life with the people I love...”

“Your stolen life, you mean?” Solas snapped. “Tell me what you know about my involvement with the Fade.”

“You... you created it, as a punishment... they killed Mythal, but she's not really dead.” Claire was crying as she slid down the wall to the floor. “The world was whole, and you split it... and you want to undo your mistake. You consider us as tranquil...”

“How does she know all this?” Anders asked, trying to keep his voice down. “No one knows this! Do you know what this would do to the Chantry?”

“Do you know where you've been all these years?” Solas asked.

“I don't even know anymore.” She cried. “Everything feels like a dream, a blur of emotions, of me running away from pain and more pain... and even when I've finally found a bit of happiness, something always comes to take it away. If you're going to kill me, just do it.”

“I have no intention of hurting you.” Solas said, kneeling down beside her. “Not... physically, anyway. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around how you know all this information. Things I've never told anyone, things that have long been past... What other secrets do you hold?”

“I don't know everything... just bits and pieces.” She said. “I read it all. Everything. It's all written down... in... in another world. The world I grew up in.”

“So she does remember...” Dorian stared down at her in amazement.

“Can you tell me about this world?”

“I don't know why you want to know.” She hiccuped. “It's nothing like this world. It hates magic. Magic does not exist there... it makes certain.”

“Then how did you get back here?”

“Was I ever really from here?” She frowned. “That's what doesn't make sense. How can people know me, and know things about me, that I don't even know?”

“You had a twin sister.” Solas said. “She was the one raised by mages who had kidnapped her in Tevinter, the one who was shunned for not having magic, who lost those parents at the age of twelve, and who was murdered by a man named Markus.”

“But that's my life...” She frowned. “I wasn't raised by mages, or in Tevinter, but I was a disappointment to the people who raised me, and they were murdered when I was twelve, but I managed to survive Markus, and I killed him.”

“He was indeed murdered.” Solas said. “Perhaps the world you were living in was a fabrication in the Fade, a dream mirroring reality.”

“What about everything I've learned?” She asked. “How can the Fade know this?”

“Perhaps there are some secrets that are best left unknown.” Solas said.

“I'm afraid of Anders finding out.” She said. “Or anyone. How can anyone trust me when I'm such a mystery? When I can't even explain myself, when I know things I shouldn't? I know Anders suspects, but how can I just tell him I know practically everything about him? It would creep him out and I wouldn't be able to bear him looking at me like that...” She started crying again and Solas looked awkward.

“I could never look at her differently.” Anders murmured. “She is my life. I don't care where she's from.”

“Not even a little bit?” Dorian asked. “You don't want to know if your love has been living in a dream in the Fade?” What could he say? He did want to know, but it wouldn't change his feelings for her. He watched as Solas reached out and touched Claire on the head, and he felt the magic.

“It doesn't matter now.” Anders said. “We can only wait.”

 

* * *

 

Claire recognized the Fade instantly, surprising herself, and then noticed Solas was watching her with interest.

“It feels strangely comfortable in the Fade.” She said.

“You've been here before.” He said. “You have perhaps spent quite a bit of time here. Shall we see?” Begrudgingly, she nodded, and they were suddenly in her parent's house back in Long Beach.

“Your abilities as just what I imagined, but it's still strange to see.” She said.

“This is the world you grew up in?” Solas asked, looking around.

“Just a tiny piece.” She said. “It's huge. This was the house I lived in until I was twelve.”

“We may be here a while.”

 

* * *

 

“And I win again!” Dorian crowed, throwing his cards down. Anders grumbled and looked over the balcony again.

“They've been in there an awfully long time.” Anders said.

“She'll be fine.” Dorian said.

“Does it change anything to you that she's not the same person you knew as a child?” Anders asked.

The Vint shrugged. “Not really. Though I find it interesting that she knows me. Is it because she shared memories, or did she read about me as well?”

“To think, that someone out there has written everything down...” Anders frowned. “That she knows, more than I've ever told her, and she kept it secret out of fear of losing me.”

“Would you have reacted well had she told you when you first met?”

“No, I suppose I wouldn't have, especially with Justice. He would have suspected her of some trickery, I'm sure.”

“Oh, they're waking up.” Dorian hid himself again and they watched in anticipation. Claire slowly stood up, holding her head as if in pain, while Solas was quicker.

“So we're agreed?” He asked.

“Yes...” Claire groaned. “Though I wasn't about to tell anyone about you anyway, I can't change what must happen. Things must happen for a reason...”

“And I will allow you to tell people yourself what we learned, though I am fascinated to find that world is real...” He shook his head in amazement. “I was certain you had been kept in some sort of sleep... but time magic, that didn't distort anything? To have seen a future like that...”

“You can't let it influence you.” Claire said. “You have to forget it! You have to keep with your plan!”

“My dear, you may hold the future in your head, but you do not have years of understanding to go with it.” He smiled and shook his head. “You have given me hope. How can I forget that?” She frowned and watched him in silence as he left. After she was certain he was gone, she crawled off into a dark corner and tucked herself away, crying.

“I need to go.” Anders said.

“What are we supposed to do with this information?” Dorian asked, following. “You heard her, she doesn't want anyone to know, lest we change things, but things have already changed, just by virtue of her being here, and speaking to Solas, who I suppose is an ancient elven god...”

“The Chantry would consider that story heresy.” Anders said. “That the Fade was one with us?”

“It would explain how the elves lost everything, come to think of it.”

Anders paused near the door. “For everyone's sake, please keep this information to yourself. We don't know how others would react to it. It's bad enough what I'm about to do... but I need to be with her.”

“Trust her, she won't abandon you.” Dorian put a hand on Anders' shoulder. “She may not be the Claire I knew, but she had me fooled.” Anders knew he was right, he was just worried about her initial reaction, and how he was going to present what he knew...

 

“Claire?” Claire looked up at Anders and wiped her eyes. Before she could get up, he sat down beside her, putting his arm around her shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don't even know where to start.” She said.

“Then let me, and please hear me out.” He gave her a squeeze. “Your parents recently informed me of some things about your past... I'm not sure how much you already know, or have guessed, but, you're a twin. Your sister died.”

“Solas... he just told me.” Claire leaned against him. “He said that I must have shared memories with her... that the life I claim to have lived was... not really my own.” She started crying again. “I really am from Thedas, I wondered for so long... but I was taken

from this world when I was two. I never knew...”

“Is that how you know more than you should?” He asked. She looked up at him sharply, panicking.

“W-what do you mean?”

“It's all right, I've known for a while now.” He said. “Things you've said, things you've known that I've never told you, that I've never told anyone. Things that haven't yet happened... How much do you know about me? About the future?”

“Anders, please...” She was shaking, terrified.

He took her hand in his and looked her in the eye. “I love you. Nothing will change that, even if you know everything about me without my telling you. Even if you know the future.”

“I do not deserve you.” She said, so he kissed her, to make sure she knew. It would be a long road, but he would stay with her while she sorted through the new information, and perhaps they would finally be able to live in relative peace, together as a family.


End file.
